Gay Latino Life: Ken

Name: Ken
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Ethnicity: Mexican
Sexual Orientation: Gay
Birthplace: Denver, CO

As a Latino/Hispanic, do you have a "coming out" story specific to your culture? Or do you have any stories describing why you feel you cannot "come out" as an LGBT Latino?
I came out to my mom at age 16; I knew since before elementary school that I was somehow "different." My mother's response, at the time, was rather advanced. She simply said, "you're young, and very impressionable...don't limit yourself." If she has ever had any negative feeling about my being gay, I've never known about it. At the time, I was estranged from my father because of his addiction and mental health issues. I'm still somewhat estranged from my father; I have never come out to him.

Who is your favorite Latino/Hispanic icon? Why?
My favorite icon is, in fact, Linda Ronstadt; Celia Cruz was also one of my favorites. She has brought together her roots, a life of fame/celebrity and being gay, from a very conscious mindset, both for herself and the very large community in which she operates.

Are you aware of any LGBT Latino/Hispanic celebrities or public figures, or can you name any that you know to be gay-friendly or pro-gay?
I haven't spent much time contemplating this issue - ever. If people aren't friendly, I simply don't/won't mix with them.

How did you learn about sex and sexual orientation? Was it from family, friends, religion, etc?
I learned about sex from sex ed. classes in elementary school; parents had to give their written permission for a students participation. I learned about sexual orientation in 7th grade in Semantics. The word "homosexuality" was one of my words for a given week, so I did my research and figured out what it meant. (Stonewall had occurred a few years earlier.) I knew right then that I was/am, and always have been gay!! Religion has never played any role for me about sex or sexual orientation - both are biological, not theological.

What are your perceptions of what makes a gay man (top/bottom or other roles?) and a lesbian in Latino/Hispanic culture?
Many say it's the "machismo" in the Latino culture that causes many to be top; and if you don't have the machismo, then bottom. I don't subscribe to any of the machismo argument. I may be a bottom between the sheets, but I'm very "top/alpha" male in most, if not all, other respects - education, money, self-worth, etc.

Could you provide an experience where you were a victim of gay bashing/abuse from fellow Latinos vs. non-Hispanic people, whether you were "out" or not?
Fortunately, I've never had to deal with any gay bashing/abuse. I have only had to deal with bashing/abuse because I'm Latino.

How did you learn about STDs and safe sex? Was it culturally specific through organizations or just through personal experiences?
I learned about STDs through my sex ed. classes in elementary school, and a variety of biology and psychology classes in high school and college. I didn't learn about safe sex until the AIDS epidemic first hit, in the 1980s. STDs and safe sex do not have cultural barriers, neither should we.

If you are out to your family, describe how difficult/easy your "coming out" experience was. Was there any particular family member you felt most comfortable telling? Why? Was there someone you felt least comfortable telling? Why?
I was probably most comfortable telling my sister, that I was gay and what being gay meant for me. I was most uncomfortable telling my uncle - he was a Jesuit; I did so while I was in college via a letter. To my amazement, he wrote back and said, "welcome to the club...." My uncle - the Jesuit - was also gay!!

Now everyone in my family assumes (or knows) I'm gay. If they need to know, I'll tell them; if they don't, I won't. What is key, is that I know and honor my truth - I'm gay!!. I know I have to be me, not "me" others thought/think I should be, or wanted me to be, for their own mindsake.

If you are actively involved in the larger gay community, do you, as a Latino/Hispanic, ever feel either objectified or discriminated against by others because of your race or ethnicity?
My active involvement in the larger gay community is in helping those newly diagnosed as poz - whether gay or straight. Given that no one is exempted from HIV/AIDS, and my focus is truly for anyone affected by HIV/AIDS, I don't pay attention to those who objectify and/or discriminate because of race and/or ethnicity. I know there have been some who have done so; I attribute their thoughts, words and actions to ignorance (knowing better and still thinking, saying or doing) or stupidity (don't have a clue). I may not be able to help others see the light about race/ethnicity - you can/will still live with race/ethnicity issues. I know people can't/won't live without help when it comes to HIV/AIDS.

Gay/Lesbian and Hispanic? We want to know more about the cultural experiences of being gay in the Latino/Hispanic community. If you've got a story, we want you to share it with our readers. Click here to share your story.

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