Love Hurts

Dear Adam and Tony.  What do you do when love hurts as much as it feels good? I’ve fallen in love with someone that lives 2 hours away. When I get to see him, about once a week, I am the happiest I can be. But when I am not with him and we aren’t talking on the phone, I feel depressed. I get paranoid that he might stop liking me. Is it worth dealing with this pain to be with someone I feel I love? You have truly inspired me knowing that two men can stay partners for such a long time. Congrats, and thanks!! David.

Bootilicious!

Hey Bobby,

I just lost 15 lbs. I am a 42 year old man currently 175 lbs at 5'11". I lost most of that weight from my behind, and my ass looks saggy like an old man's ass! What can I do to get a nice bubble ass?

Congratulations on your weight-loss! 15 pounds is a great accomplishment.

Concerning your issue with the loss of your rear...you have come to the right guy. Though I am as insecure with my looks as the next guy, there is one part of my body that I know looks pretty good: my butt. I really didn’t know I had a nice ass until a few years after being a dancer and people would comment on it. When I started to do weight training that just added to the compliments. Now I’m sure a lot of my bootiliciousness comes from genetics and my German/Mexican background. Add my dance training and all of those plies and leaps to the mix and “POW!” POWER BOOTIE!!

Ask Zax: Neg for POZ?

Dear Todd,

I met this cool guy. We’d been chatting online for months now, and today we finally hung out. It was a very pleasant day and we spent 9 hours together. The date ended with us pretty much making out. Since it was apparent we were on the road to much sexier things, I stopped and asked him, “Are you safe and clean?” He was hesitant at first, but then told me that he was HIV positive.

I didn’t freak out and run away because I know it must of been hard for him to be honest and tell me—which I really admire—so we spent the rest of the night watching a movie, making out some more, and cuddling. Then before I went home he asked if I was going to see him again, and I said sure.

Breaking Up (And Surviving) Is Hard To Do

Oh! The agony of ending a relationship. The rejection, the sense of failure, the loss, and the sadness — these feelings are so intense, that it seems like they will never end. Hopelessness abounds from the fear you’ll never find anyone else to share your life with. You may be embarrassed to talk to friends for fear they won’t understand, or, worse yet, they start preaching to you about how the guy wasn’t good for you anyway — that's helpful and supportive! In the swirl of confusion, helplessness and change it’s so hard to keep perspective. So here are some reminders to weather the stormy end of a relationship.

Ask Adam & Tony: Moving too fast

Dear Adam & Tony, I was with this guy for 2 years until we broke up. There was a lot of hurt and anger and we didn’t talk much till recently.  Us being apart has made me think.  I realize that when we got together we moved WAY too fast.  We both realize that.  Anyway, we’ve been talking a little, hanging out, and last week he stayed the night.  We both agree that we don’t want things to be like they were.  But, how do I get over the past hurt and deception? I truly love this guy. He’s probably the first person that I have really been truly in love with. Any advice?

Thriving with HIV

For many years I have been thankful for the opportunity to work with the POZ community. I have worked with individuals and groups of men who were recently diagnosed as well as members of the community who were were living with HIV for over 15 years. I was invited to speak at a recent event where I talked about the fact that people are no longer SURVIVING with HIV but THRIVING with HIV.

Here are some perspectives to keep in mind to help anyone move from merely surviving to thriving:

What Is The Next Era Of HIV Prevention?

HIV prevention has had two previous "eras" of prevention. When HIV/AIDS first broke, the primary message was "don’t get HIV or you’ll die." This era was before the time of effective medication (pre-1996). Once the field discovered some basic medications, the second era of HIV started where prevention attempts had an implicit assumption that we would be able to eradicate the spread of HIV.

Choosing Survival

"Swimming With The Polar Bears" was not the feel-good-save-the-planet pitch I expected to see as part of a recent Earth Day celebration. In fact the one-man show written and performed by Mel England, was anything but light and airy. It was instead a story about survival.

England, a twenty-year HIV and AIDS veteran, recently overcame a battle with cancer where he was faced yet again to fight for his right to live.

Can I Spread Herpes By Kissing?

Can I transmit genital herpes by kissing? I have just been diagnosed and have a sore on my buttocks.

Don't worry, you will not transmit genital herpes on your butt to anyone else by kissing them. Herpes is spread from direct contact between the area of infection and the skin of some one else. If you had herpes on the lip, then yes, kissing is a way to spread herpes. Kissing can also spread syphilis but not infections like HIV and rarely gonorrhea or Chlamydia.

7 Reasons Why He Didn't Call

You have been talking to guy online for a week now. You have great conversations and seem to have a lot in common. He makes you laugh and you always get excited when you are able to catch him online for a chat. You finally make plans to get together.

You meet up for a dinner. You feel the conversation is flowing just like online. You are having a great time and it appears he is enjoying himself as well. You laugh, you flirt, and you tease. It is a great date and things are going so well. By the end of the night you say your goodbyes and he smiles and says, "I will give you a call soon."

You drive home thinking of your great date, you are so excited for the next and now you wait for the call.

The call which never comes...