Hot and Sexy?

Dear Bobby,
I am a fat person and no one loves me. I weigh 120 kg. and I don't know what to do. Please help me to lose weight because I want to be a little bit hot and sexy. Thanks a lot.

I have to be honest (I know...AGAIN?!) but I'm thinking the above email I received was sent as a joke. Mainly because the email address starts with jackblack@-----. So I thought someone was just trying to be funny. But then it got me thinking, how many of us actually feel like working out, having a better body, will get us what we want in life? Whether it is love, acceptance, or respect, I know I constantly battle with that issue.

If only I had a better body then more people would ask me out or I would get invited to more of the A-list parties (Or "GAY-list" as my friend Scott likes to say.) If I gain 20 pounds of muscle then my business will grow because more people will want to look like me. Also people think the bigger the muscles the bigger the knowledge. Ah, to be an insecure gay man. Does a gay man who is secure with who he is actually exist? And is it so bad to use the motivation of "looking sexy" as a way to get into shape? It’s not bad if it motivates you to get to the gym and become consistent with your workouts.

The health benefits of working out are an increase in muscle, which in turn increases your metabolism, stronger bones, more lung capacity, increased immunity, and stress reduction. Also when you start to see results, or other people comment on the change in your body, your confidence does increase, which perhaps can spill over into life outside of the gym.

However, if you think a better body will make life easier then you will be sorely disappointed. Being "hot and sexy" will not change those insecurities you may have had prior to the gym. A lot of our body issues stem from our childhood so it is probably a good idea to seek the advice of a licensed therapist. I know for myself I was a skinny teenager, and even though people wouldn’t call me skinny today, I still feel I am. I cringe when someone says, "You lost weight, you’re looking thin." Most likely they mean "lean" but I hear "skinny." And I have to fight the urge to not eat everything in sight in order to not be skinny.

I know that in the gay community there is a lot of attention paid to guys with perfect bodies. They are all over your local gay papers, club promotions, website advertisements and even gay business ads so it is VERY easy to not feel good enough. But I think we all have something special to offer and though it is important to live a healthy lifestyle, what is on the outside is not as important as what is on the inside. Once we truly begin to embrace that, THAT is when we will begin to receive what we so desire.

Do you have a question for Bobby about how to improve your time in the gym? Send us an email.

(Photo: Getty Images)

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A.C.E.- and N.A.S.M.-certified, Bobby Solorio has been personal training for over 10 years. You might recognize him from Bravo TV's "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List," where he trains his now-A-list client. For more info check out Bobby's website.