Dating Bradford : Pride Points

Every year at Thanksgiving I say “Hmmm… what am I thankful for this year?” Then I make a mental list and toast some theoretical champagne and in some small way it makes me feel appreciative for all that I have.

So then Gay Pride comes around and I started thinking, “Hmmm…what the HELL am I proud of this year, I’m still single for fuck sake?!?”

Then it occurs to me that, well, I guess it could be worse. At least my family accepts and supports me being gay. Even my conservative Republican Christian cousins have come around - and that’s saying a lot, because I’d much rather hear anti-Obama comments at the table, than anti-gay whispers behind my back. Think about how many people get ostracized from their families just because of their sexual preference? How sad is that?

So if I were tallying up points in favor of things to be proud of this year, family acceptance counts for at least one on the pride scale.

Then I thought, well, I’ve been pretty lucky in the past to have had four loving boyfriends in my life ranging from 1 to 5 years each, and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to find another one soon before my maquillage cracks off. So having the ability to love someone - especially over all the ingrained taboos around same-sex blah, blah, blah - is certainly something to be proud of. Think of all the people who can’t get over those social hurdles, or get stuck beneath a painful past? I’ve certainly dated a number of them - intimacy issues anyone?

So, as obvious as it may seem, having the capacity to share love and intimacy with another person is worth a pride point.

What about freedom of expression? I’ve got that in spades – not merely because I have this wonderful venue to write for, but the fact that I don’t have to live in the closet and can travel the world with my gay head held high. That’s something I’m proud of for sure. Think of how many people have to hide their homosexuality? How not fun is that, and where's a pink boa to dance with before the buzz-kill sets in?

So freedom of expression is certainly worth a point or two in my book.

Come to think of it, I have a lot to be proud of. The fact that I made it through fucking High School with my self-esteem at a salvageable level should win me a Tony in itself, and all the rest of us for that matter who managed not to commit suicide during those dreadful years. But how about all those troubled teens who did commit suicide - or attempted to - because they just couldn’t deal with being gay? We all could have used some pride points early on, but why does it take so long to find them?

Overcoming our own demons - not just about being gay - but about feeling, “I’m not good enough” or that we’re not capable of true self-acceptance is universally challenging. How many people do we know that struggle with low self-esteem?

Yeah, practically everyone right? Guilty here.

We should all be proud that we’re able to face those demons, because as housebroken as we make them, they never get fully tamed. Sooner or later one's going to shit on the carpet.

Being proud that we're strong enough to keep our demons leashed earns us all a premium in pride points.

It makes me wonder:

When water-skiing on the lake of life
Over whitecaps and debris our skis may find strife
What then find we when let go the rope
Make us feel proud when safe in our boat?

So I ask you: What are YOU proud of this year?

(Photo: Dot)

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Based in New York City, Bradford Noble has been an international celebrity, fashion, and advertising photographer for 15 years. His first novel called, "Dating Bradford - A Memoir" is soon to be published. Still curious? Dive into his world!

Comments

[Wyatt C Hilby]

Hmmm...

I have quite a bit to be thankful for and maybe I shouldn't say as much but really – I feel lucky.

In general I think a lot can be said for thinking positive. Don't get me wrong – at first it's just got to sound cliché – I know. But it's true – it really is...LOL.

The truth is – this year I really learned what that meant. And finally – after spending too many years being quite unhappy – and I really do mean quite un-fucking-happy – I finally found a meaning in life which has become enough – or rather is – now – what I need in order to continue defining myself. It is selfish of me to say this but...

I have finally met my son.

Do you know what's funny? The fact that for so long I took all I knew with me and whilst knowing all I know – only lately have I discovered the real gift of my education. For it very much appears as if I finally will have at least one person to impress LOL – you know what I'm sayin though.

I did not raise him and I did not know him and because of that he was safer and much more stable. His true father is a man I can never repay and as if winning some lottery (because that's what a good job he did) had taken place – I could not have done better - ever.

Perhaps this might sound odd to hear/read (as if this happens aloud? LOL – unlikely I know – LOL).
But it's one thing to slowly begin to see your self – as in be able to move away from the mirror and really feel just as present – you know all that. Believe me it's quite another to look across a table and see yourself – embodied in a rough duplicate...much younger mind you.

THAT – is a fucking TRIP.

I imagine this is the part where I begin to brag – and so – I shall do just that...

My son is smarter than everyone on the planet (well not really but it does feel good to say that LOL). He is witty – quick and aware. He is clean and very beautiful and is yet - wholly unaware of it. I'm hoping for many more years of this – maybe that's not realistic but I don't really care. When he speaks he is so animated – just like me – even with his hands – like me – and is as articulate as am I - and is so creative - he is simply...astounding.

I have so much to be thankful for.

I forgive all wrongs of the past and look forward as well to the opportunity to forgive that which may infract upon me – as this, I am sure, is bound to happen.

But hey - that's just life!

Wyatt (Tim).