Is There Life After 21?

As we grow further away from 21, we start to dread our birthdays instead of realizing we are just as good, if not better, than we were then.

Here are five steps that will have you loving your birthdays way beyond 21:

Suck it up

Yes, I said it! It is so easier to get caught up with wanting to hide and pretend your birthday didn't happen this year. You can become obsessed with how old you have gotten. You can spend all your time dreaming about your "better and younger" years and wishing you could just go back. You can even start lying about your age so you can dishonestly try to steal back the years you have already lost. OR you can suck it up and move on.

Life is all about moving forward, and that is what we all need to do. Following the next four steps will save you from the scenarios above and allow you to live your life, regardless of your age.

Celebrate
Do not hide when your birthday comes around or try to pretend it doesn't exist. Every year, at the same time, you will get a year older, and there is nothing wrong with it!

Sometimes we think the "adult thing" is to not celebrate our birthdays as we did when we were kids. I disagree. The best thing to do is celebrate your birthday every year and do it right! Whether a vacation with friends, a nice dinner with friends and family or a romantic weekend away with your partner, celebrate your birthday as you see fit. Don't let this day pass by without celebrating it in a style that you deserve.

And don't feel guilty one bit! Remember all those engagement gifts, shower gifts, wedding gifts, baby-shower gifts, first-birthday gifts you have been buying all your straight friends. It's your day to collect in return, even if it is just their personal time they give.

Age is only a number
When your birthday comes around, do you feel any different? You don't wake up in the morning and feel 40; you just are. It's how many years you have lived. You decide how you live your life and age doesn't hold you back from doing the things you want; it frees you to be who you want.

In your 20s, you spent most of your time trying to figure out who you were, how to be an adult and how to impress other people. As we grow older, we learn that we control our lives and that life is too short to waste it on what others think. Life experiences teach us to be free, and that only comes with time and age. We gain knowledge of who we are the more we live; it's something only age can bring.

Live in the present
The past taught us a lot about ourselves, but it is now gone. We can't spend our days dreaming of how it would be if we hadn't wasted our time when we were younger. If we only could go back knowing what we know now, things would be better.

Well, you can't go back, and dwelling on it only wastes more time. What is it about your past you wish you would have done? Wouldn't it be a great time NOW to start doing it so history doesn't repeat itself?

One of my clients turned 40 and he told me how he wasted his opportunity for true love because he didn't act on it. After we worked together, he decided he didn't waste his time; instead he learned not to waste any more time and isn't afraid to take a chance on love now.

On his 42nd birthday, he celebrated with his partner in Hawaii. He took action to live in the present and learn from the past instead of wishing he was back there.

Be proud
Don't lie about your age; be proud of it! You earned it. Life is not easy, and why shouldn't you take pride in the years you have put forth? Don't allow younger people to make you feel bad about your age. Remember they will, if lucky, soon enough be there too.

One of my good friends always shares his age when asked and even corrects people when they get it wrong. Once a guy insisted he must be younger and my friend said, "No I am 38 and proud of it!" The guy replied simply by saying, "I hope I can feel the same when I am 38."

You choose how you feel about your age. Your age is determined by your years on Earth. Accept it, celebrate it and be proud of it!

And just remember: The alternative to not getting a year older is not living at all. I'd personally rather get older; how about you?

(Photo: Getty Images)

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Michael Moniz is a life coach focusing on the LGBT community. His practice helps others with self-image, communication skills, self-leadership and setting and achieving goals. Check Michael's website for more information and to schedule private consultations.

Do you have a question about how to improve your life? Send an e-mail to pnohealth@planetoutinc.com

Comments

[Evji108]

I would add one thing to this article about gay and getting older.
Be kind and acknowledge the presence of older gay men. So many younger gay men simply ignore the older men as if they weren't there. I think this is out of fear or possibly simple snobbishness. The fact is, unless you die, there go you in the future. Treat other members of our community the way you would like to be treated yourself, and we will all have a happy future, one were we all need not fear each advancing year.

[Joe Moag]

Is there life BEFORE 21?