Dating Bradford: The Boyfriend Fast Track

My roommate didn’t come home again last night. I wasn’t worried because his last text was, “OMG, I’m SOOOOO in love with Bryan, I want to spend the rest of my life with him.”

“Bryan who?” was all I text back.

I can never keep track of my roommates boys. I’m sure he can say the same for me, only mine seem to run away after the first or second date, whereas his stalk him to the point of restraining orders. He resorts to extremes to get rid of them - like the single letter breakup.

For instance, the other day his most recent enthusiast was texting him every few minutes as we swilled our two-for-one happy hour drinks at Barracuda. I guess the guy wasn’t getting enough attention because he finally wrote, “What? Are you just going to ignore me now???” My roommate simply text back “Y” for yes, and that was the end of the Advertising Sales Guy.

“That was way harsh Ty” I told him, “Don’t you want to tell him why he makes you crazy? Where's the closure in a single letter breakup?”

“The guy won’t listen to a thing I say” he retorted, “On our second date he told me he loved me, and made me watch three Patrick Swazey movies in a row to prove how much they looked alike. And if that wasn’t crazy enough, he wanted me to buy him a ring before I went away on my business trip. A RING! I’m telling you, he’s a freak. All the ones too eager to fall in love are freaks.”

“Yeah, but at least you keep them clamoring, I’m lucky if I can get a Dear John letter.” Then it occurred to me that I might be a freak. I’m so focused on finding the boyfriend fast track, that I might have derailed. Perhaps the secret is being unavailable?

But how does that work for those guys who go from one relationship to another? I’m not talking these mini-boyfriends like my roommate has, but back-to-back long-term relationships with only a few months in between. Wouldn't you have to become available at some point? Or do we continue to play games until securely embedded in a co-dependent relationship?

It must work because people do it all the time. Is it a need thing? Are they willing to settle for whoever comes by the second they're single, or are these people simply adaptable and more willing to make compromises?

Why I don’t have a boyfriend after all the effort I put into dating is baffling, but what’s even more baffling is how my roommate can’t seem to stay single long enough to play the getting-to-know-you-show before he’s in bed with a psycho. He’s either single and fucking his brains out, or PRESTO, in another relationship and fucking his brains out. 

Sure his “boyfriends” don’t last very long, but it doesn’t mean they don’t share romance, and laughs. Oh, and regular sex – let’s not ignore that little perk.

Why is it that some people are able to bounce out of one relationship and into another and it still works for them? If it lasts a few weeks or months, and they have a great time, how can it be said it didn’t count for anything? And if it lasts a few years, how can we call that a rebound?

I'm not one to fall into relationships easily. Some say it's because I’m too picky, but personally I would call it knowing what I want and need and not yet finding it. We all have our criteria.

When the world ends and all that’s left are cockroaches, I’ll be the single one still asking questions. On that note I ask you: Why is it that some of us remain single whereas others are on a boyfriend fast track?

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Based in New York City, Bradford Noble has been an international celebrity, fashion, and advertising photographer for 15 years. His first novel called, "Dating Bradford - A Memoir" is soon to be published. Still curious? Dive into his world!

Comments

[K]

Honestly I find it very sad for my own life that I have never been able to settle down and find someone. For my own life, it doesn't seem to be in the cards. I've just never been able to find the right person. This paragraph isn't probably going to be very helpful to the conversation, but in general my love life seems hopeless.

[Malfist]

Having a boyfriend isn't everything. Believe it or not, you ate still in a relationship. Only not a sexual one. And these relationships last years and are just as meaningful. It's called friends. I don't have a boyfriend very often, but that's okay. I have wonderful friends and they make me feel as special as any lover could.

Btw that is a beautiful min-pin you have.

[Denny]

I have the same situation with a friend of mine. He has one boy after another while I can't even get one. Looks and attraction do play a role, but it's more of a personality trait. As you noticed with your roomate, he could care less about another's feelings. My friend is the same way. Being bold, an extrovert, and a horn bag, are all qualities you will find common. I'm sure you have noticed your roomate's attitude towards men is very different than yours - and there lies the answer to your question.

[Single in Chicago]

Yes, Bravo Bradford for asking the question.

I have been single for most of my adult life, have a great job, travel for business and pleasure, have two homes, and company car. I am an all around nice guy and easy on the eyes.....so my friends tell me. So what does it take to find a nice quality guy who likes to travel, is ready to settle down and just enjoy the world? Yep, in that nesting phase of my life so bars are not top priority in my life anymore.

I just don't get these guys who fly from one partner to another after a few months but have come to realize that some gay guys seem to have to have a man on their arm to make them complete as a person.

And yes, open, available, market myself on web sites, have dates, hot sex but nothing long term.

[Daft]

The answer is: they're sluts! That's how the bounce around from boyfriend to boyfriend, bedroom to bedroom.

[Brian]

Not rocket science dude. Gay men, beneath the gym body and cool demeanor, are, at the core of their construct, very fragile creatures....or put another way, generally quite f*cked up. Combine this with a gay culture that celebrates being in a perpetual juvenile state (oh, sorry, thats called "difference" or "edge"), and the behaviors we witness become pretty self-explanatory. With some guys, display any remote degree of genuine interest in them, and they run for the hills in terror thinking you're needy, or worse, desperate. The paradox is that the guys running away are the truly needy ones. With other guys, those who are equally needy, one date and you're husband for the week, confusing serial sex for intimacy, resulting in an inevitable pattern of serial 6-week fake relationships. The gay dating world is cruel, and the odds are worse than playing the blackjack tables in Vegas.

[Ronnie]

when the world ends sure there will be cockroaches AND Cher, she will be on her ***Ashes to Ashes Dust to Dust Tour*** go dance, go sing, have fun, get noticed, smile, and get laid, dont measure your successes in or out of the bedroom using someone else's conquests as a template...

[Ha!]

Save the friend relationship speach for the ugly obese person that can't get a date. Just think of it your so called friends find love and then leave you high and dry only to find yourself alone. Relationship hoppers are terrified to be alone so the go from one loveless relationship to the next find the most miniscule of flaws the reason to break up and cheat on their boyfriend. Then you have a gold digging whore. People don't get married out of love they get involved out of desparation and lonliness. Whats sad is everyone wants the supermodel with the wide hole and the 10 inch cock and end up even more miserable then when they were single. I never found a man that truly loved me and wanted an actual future. I dump everyone once I find out how serious they are. Ever stop to think its Not the guy but its you. The horny bastard that keep his pants on and never satisfied. All of you get involved for the wrond reasons and don't give anything time to grow. Personally I don't care about the money I don't care about what you know who you know who you are what I care about is you. When you finally wake up and reality hits you up for another pass you'll find this perfect guy looking at you straight in the eye. If you have any clue he's everything you ever wanted and more. Open your eyes and stop pissing and whinning.

[outdoorsy]

It's not limited to the gay community. I've several straight guy friends be married for years and then divorce and re-marry fast. Some people I think are just that way - whether it's co-dependency or actually healthy. Weird tho. And frustrating as hell to those of us who seem like great catches but are perma-single, perhaps because of our independent nature.

[Chris]

God, I'm in the same boat as you :-/
My roommate moves from boyfriend to fucking, to fucking,to fucking.
And likes someone, but fucks other people because they're too far away to date but keeping it on the back burner.

Me? I've hooked up, I've been on few dates, but I've never had a bf. I'm too picky/know what I want.

Help :-p

[Dan]

At nearly 44 years old, and single most of my adult life, I admit I find it frustrating when I see people I know go from relationship to relationship, seemingly with an ease I've never known or understood. But as a wise therapist once told me, I don't and can't know the quality of those relationships.

Most of my local friends are single and have been, like me, for most of their adult lives. We all go on dates, but not much seems to come of them. And then there's my friend who got out of an 18-year relationship, only to get into a new one just a few months later. And they're very happy. And I wish them well. And I wish I had his luck :)

As my wise therapist also said to me, if I only wanted someone to fill the space of a boyfriend, I could have that many times over. But I don't just want anyone. I want someone who's right for me, and me for him. So I keep putting myself out there. Friends say I'm a catch, and many people, when they meet me, assume I must be hitched. "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" is probably the most frustrating line I hear. I guess it's akin to straight couples hearing "When are you going to have kids?"

I haven't put my life on hold, waiting for "him" to come around, but I will keep singing "God bless the broken road that led me straight to you" until he does. If he does. If he doesn't, I hope not to become some bitter old queen in my old age LOL

[Les (AgayFRATguy4u)]

HOLY COW! Like many of you, I thought I was the only gay guy that can't seem to get beyond the first date...if that ever even happens. I don't consider myself a bad looking guy but I am not an A&F model either. I'm educated, have a great job, travel tons for work and pleasure, own my home...and would LOVE to share it with someone.
I sometimes think it is me...I admit to being picky but do I really know what I want? I think I do. I sometimes think its the city I reside...I don't live in LA, NYC, Chicago. I live in smallville North Carolina (Wilmington for those that read these things).
My youngest brother actually accused me of being a closeted straight man because I always seem to be going out with my girlfriends....never with a guy.
Guys that can bounce from boyfriend to boyfriend, or that(even when reaching my age of almost 40) still let the bars/clubs rule their evenings and weekends baffle me.
The other thing that happens to me? I do meet GREAT guys...on line or when I travel...and of course they are ALWAYS so friggin' far away that dating is not even an option. Friendship is great. However, the idea of getting old alone frightens me to know end. And I hate waking up alone each and every morning.
I wanna grow old with someone...I feel silly laughing to the Golden Girls all by myself on Friday nights. :

[Douglas]

I'm reading these stories, and I would have thought I'd written them myself. My best friend fully admits to being co-dependent, and he totally devotes himself to whomever he's dating at the time.

I'm thrilled when I get a second date, but very few times does it go beyond that. Either an ex shows up, or they move. I continue to tell myself it's them and not me. After a while that loses its comfort.

I got a taste of what regular dating felt like again after a very long dry spell this past winter. Once again, an ex shows up. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve, and that makes it easier to get hurt, but I don't know how to just keep it all hidden-nor would i want to.

[Douglas]

After reading all these similar stories without any real answer...just similarly continuing situations doesn't seem to help any. Are some of us just destined to be the Yang next to our friend's Yin?

[StyleinTO]

It seems many of us are in the same boat. The trick is for us to find each other maybe we should create a new chat room "Why" is it that some of us remain single whereas others are on a boyfriend fast track?

[php_guru]

Author, there's nothing wrong passing up "opportunities", particularly when already you know what you want and need. There's a big difference between selective and picky. If gay guys, as a whole, were more selective, they wouldn't be getting emotionally hurt (and hurting others) nearly so much, and they'd be a better-adjusted, in general.

Guys who are always onto the next best thing will probably have a very lonely life (and death) later on, so don't feel like you're missing out on some great thing, author.

Consider the following exchange, and be glad that won't be you.

----------
----------

Bitter Queen 1: *regretfully* I'm so tired of being alone and only getting used as a convenient hole...why won't someone just love me for me?!

Bitter Queen 2: *sarcastically* Many tried, but you were too self-centered to see it. The long string of exes you left behind that once made you look uber-popular and cool, now only makes you look like a spent whore. There's no sense clamoring to make amends, at this point, because now everyone views you as a chronic slut. I mean, no one wants to take a chance on you, much like all those guys you never gave a fair chance to. Remember Tom? Dick? Harry? *even more sarcastically* All great guys you threw away who are now in successful relationships...

Bitter Queen 1: *infuriated* You judgmental bitch, you did, too! *delivers stealthy slap and begins snapping head back and forth to add some ghetto-esque dramatic flair* Who the fuck are you to... you know what, get the fuck out right now you washed up cunt ...don't make me have to take these earrings out! What!? What!?

Bitter Queen 2: *infuriated* Eat shit you skank-ridden fuck-bag! I don't have to put up with this bullshit from the likes of your crusty ass!

Bitter Queen 1: *argumentatively* Aren't you gone yet?!

Bitter Queen 2: *disgustedly* Yea, I'm fucken going... *nicer, but still disgustedly* but um do you think I could fuck you quick before I go?

Bitter Queen 1: *harshly* Fuck off! *reflectively* I mean, well fuck it, yea, I guess, but THIS is the last time!

Bitter Queen 2: *disgusted* ...and this IS gonna be the last time...for real this time.

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I bet we all have AT LEAST two friends we could plug-in to the above scenario with ease. Don't end up one of them.

Douglass: that friend of yours you mention as admittedly co-dependent... he doesn't totally devote himself to the other person, he's more likely smothering the other person. Smother-love is extremely unhealthy!

[The UglyObese Guy]

alright, i feel challeneged by some of these posters.

While Dating From the Barracuda Bar room seems crazy.. It, like the Lady's night Hook up for straight people, is for flings, and occasional good find. Only Low IQ people find their loves at the end of Bar room Glass and assorted Narcotics.

anyway, as far as Obese dating ability: They are on dates all the time!. in the straight world it's cause the men know they put out easy and will give them a BJ alot sooner then the skinny girl they may have at home.

In the gay community, the chasers that go out with them know that their bf will take them out to wine and dine, orsomething to make the other gay community know " Look at my Trophy". ... As disgustting as the BMOCCO parties are, they are held often, have repeat visitors, and have been going on for years now. Let's see if any other sex party goes on that long... (one of the straight club sex parties Always has difficulty in keeping itself profitable, as straights want a grander environment)

[Mack]

This has truely baffled me for years, but my serial daters always have somebody else lined up, and it is planned. I noticed a few things, one being my friends are very good looking, and self absorbed, but always have a smile and a kind word for their prey. Second, the have had or currently have severl mental illness issues know only to me, as I am the life long friend. And three, when I meet these other people, I usually get in trouble, accidently correcting some lie, as these serial daters are liars, and manipulaters. One more thing, is that they tend to be addicts of some drug, and simply cam't sit home on a Friday night watch a movie, have a pizza with friends, as the are always on the prowl.

[dave]

I am 43 years old and have had 3 boyfriends since I was 23. My current relationship is on its 12th year. From what I have seen throughout the years with my single friends is one common theme. I'll never settle, I'll never compromise. This goes for my gay and straight friends. This is the sad mentality of most of us in the 60's and 70's. Soccer mommy spoonfed you this idea that you should stick by your guns if you think you are right. Sounds nice but makes for a cold bed. Straights are taught from birth that being a single adult equals looser. For us sex is plentiful and there is no pressure to be in a relationship. I love you doesn't mean I love your dirty socks...though I LOVE my hubbys filthy socks!!. If you aren't willing to share your toys and compromise on things you're gona have a long lonely life.

[TheLordofWales]

I thought I had something to add to this but Brian (the 6th comment on here) summed it up perfectly.

Gay men fail to embrace hetero-male values: consistency, directness, honesty, teamwork, etc.

Instead they use middle aged bitchy woman values: shrewdness, disposable relationships, smile-to-your-face-stab-you-in-the-back, etc.
Except they do it with an ambition that only testosterone can produce.

The Soap Opera plots of day time hetero-drama become the quickly used tactics of gay night life.

I'm one of those guys who likes MEN. I am sexually attracted to women but I can't stand their attitudes (funny, in highschool every girl I had a crush on ended up being a lesbian ...hmmm).

The gay community is segmented into the Fags and the Str8s. I tend to be on the outskirts somewhere watching all of this with a paradoxical degree of amusements and sadness.

[CharlietheUnicorn]

Judging by the illustrative photograph, it's because they're whores.

[Anthony]

In reading so many of these. I see myself. Its comforting to know that there are others out there that dont just jump into a relationship. One person mentioned that he seems to not make it past the first date. In my case I feel lucky to even get a first date. But then they seem to not be what im looking for.
In the last couple of years my career and I seem to be shacked up together because there was no relationship on the horizon. I am happy and content with doing things for myself, but I wouldnt mind a like minded independant individual to share it with. Anyways, If its meant to happen for me it will. Im in no rush to find it. Every time I have tried to find it...I end up finding the wrong man.

[Scott]

Upon reading all of the previous posts, its easy to see a recurring theme. You're all talking about yourselves ( whether you are gorgeous or obese). The thing I want you to think about is the other guy. If you like him, make him feel like the most interesting man you've ever met, that you're really into him, he is the important one. This only works if those feelings are true. I've been partnered most of my adult life and I'm not gorgeous or rich. And before anyone makes the smart-assed comment, Yes I am a Therapist but that's not a quick ticket to a long-term relationship. Nobody's perfect, just try not to be too narcissistic or neurotically needy.

[fulldeck]

The older I get, the less I believe that true friendship OR love really exist. Dates? Don't you buy those in the produce section at the supermarket?

God made Love during His Creation. It is His Spirit that infuses the Souls of humans, which animates our physical bodies in 3-dimensional time and space. He gave us free Will: We can share Love or withhold it & others can accept or reject it - doing any of the 4 is not breaking any man-made laws. Yet it can be painful!

"It's easy being HARD, but it's hard being EASY!"

People don't know how lucky they r 2 even have frequent sex [but it's NOT Love!] or so many "friends." I've got just 2 friends, both white straight females who I worked with.

Psychologists say one person can only have a handful of true close friends [is that counting the thumb???] because they require time to get to know, nurture, etc.

Am I the only joker in a full deck?

[nathan]

I am one of those that goes from long term relationship to long term relationship. I don't know why it is. I just can bounce back easily enough and then finding a boyfriend may be hard but you can't just sleep with different guys and expect it to happen. My boyfriend now seems to be perfect. So this may be it for me. Which excites me. I don't think it is because I am desperate or just want a relationship. I am just on the lookout for mr right not mr right now. And once you know that difference things start to happen better for ya. It does make me feel bad for you all that want to have a real relationship and can't find it. Just remember you are looking for a diamond in the ruff not just a piece of coal. There is more black out there but once that sparkle happens you know you found it.

[fulldeck]

Just food 4 thot:

"I'm single because I was born that way." --Mae West

[Vexed]

Sex. Fucking. Hookups. Randoms. Single & Fucking His Brains Out.

This is all that fags concentrate on.
It's gotten to the point that it has become beyond dis-heartening.
I'm only 27, & I am already done with the entire lot.
Get a clue, not just a nut.

[UnCutPozGuyNWA]

Serial Monogamy is the term for a person that goes from one relationship to another. This occurs in the heterosexual world as well as the homosexual world.

It does not mean someone is co dependent and it does not make someone a slut.

The person (and I am one of them) simply likes being in a relationship rather than endless dating. I have easily been on a couple hundred first dates (and these do not lead to sex). You know what they say you have t kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince - it is absolutely true. If you do not put yourself out there and continue trying to find someone that you are compatible with you will never find him or her.

Another thing most people need to realize is that no relationship is perfect. Once you pass the "Honeymoon" phase the reality sinks in and we have to adjust our lives around the person. That is simply a part of life.

You do not have to be needy, you can be picky, and you do not have to be a slut in order to go from one relationship to another. You simply have to know what you want and go for it.

[Soyer Pan]

I am reading all of the comments on here...and was alerted that there are actually more guys out there who share my views on LTR than what the bars, clubs, gym, and coffee houses portray. I even read the phrase "I want to grow old with someone" several times. It seems like there more wanting a hookup and do not define an LTR as surviving the compromises of six weeks (or half a year).

I don't care for the frivolous intricacies of serial dating or serial monogamy, but in honesty the latter is more of what I have become. I have been in a six year, a two year, a one year, and most recently since four months ago, a 2.5 year. I don't know if this reveals more of my love-style or my tragic time line. When I talk with friends offline or chat online to compare notes about dating, boyfriend, and/or LTR experiences, I find that there are these two perpetuating camps: serial daters or serial monogamists. Sometimes I even get into a mini-debate about which is preferable and why. What I don't get is that, after reading responses to this article from those who are more in my camp of a monogamist LTR, why can't we find each other long enough to actually stay together and make it last? I know there are tons of factors, such as age-experiences, personality, chemistry, careers, and mobility but I think if I found the right person, I am set for life. Of course this is assuming that the other elements of your life is set too and you are finding an equal to live life with and be your best friend. Now all we have to do is find each other. But when we do, why do we still keep searching to find someone else?

So you guys out there, hit me up, let's be serial monogamists together. We can count how many sunsets and sunrises our togetherness will last, together.

[hbeforei]

I have a friend - used to be an ex - who's the same as your roommate. It's getting to the point where I'm considering calling his next something "Kleenex," because god knows he blows his way through 'em just as fast. Part of it is he has a stroooong desire to attach himself to something; there really isn't much stability in his life. Part of it is, he has no idea what love is, so when he's attracted to someone who's attracted to him and they have even an ounce of chemistry, he drops L-bombs like American forces on Tokyo. And, the last part of it is, the people who he finds are immature enough to believe him, and foolish enough to invest. They always break up for stupid reasons.

I'm more of the long-term relationship/three month or so period of being single and fooling around/ long term relationship kind of person. Relationships are easy enough to fall into, if you don't push people away for petty reasons, if you -do- make compromises, and if you take the time to actually know a person before you're panting at their heels. Friendship's a good starting point, so long as you toe the line between friend-zone and love-zone without falling onto the wrong side.

Best way to find someone looking for a long-term relationship? Don't go looking in bars and dance clubs, don't expect anything from the one-night stand, and don't think you're god's gift to whatever. Expand your life beyond the Castro. Hell, just stop searching entirely, and focus on yourself; it's funny how you manage to find things when you aren't looking for 'em. Works for me, at least.

[45yo]

Relationships are about compromise. We change in some ways whether we admit it or not, to make the relationship viable. It's normal and there's nothing wrong with it. But when a relationship ends, some of our new ways that we learned in that relationship, we keep, while others we don't. It's important to have a reasonable amount of time off between realtionships so you get to know yourself again and the dust can settle. (Explained to me by the hottie I was dating and about to fall in love with when my 8yr relationship ended. I thought it made alot of sense)

Anyone that jumps from relationship to relationship is only screwing themselves because they don't know themselves anymore.

Don't envy your needy friends, you should pity them because they are most likely now dazed and confused, maybe without even knowing it.

Anyway, concentrate on your friendships. And who knows? Maybe you'll fall in love with your friend or at least have someone you mesh with that you can spend your life with.

[Mike]

I completely understand. My partner of 3yrs all of a sudden announced we should start seeing other guys. Just like that he broke up with me. He has moved on and I'm sitting here writing this. This seems to be his pattern. Start seeing someone, profess his love, get what he can out of the relationship, meaning material things. Then he moves on blaming not him self for the break up, but playing the guilt trip and blaming who ever he is with at the time. When I met him he was living with a guy in a 3 room apartment over a dry cleaning store. He told me that relationship was over 3months before we met, and he was tired of living a lie. He moved into my townhouse, then we eventually moved down here to florida into a very nice place. The guy he left me for makes more money, and I know lives in a place worth quite a bit more than mine. Sorry I was just a poor govt worker. The guy showered him with gifts, etc, and off he went. The grass is always greener on the other side, but not always better. His new slut will find out. Since he is still on hook up sites. I don't believe this one will last a year. To be honest I hope he out in the street. Yeah I may sound a little bitter, but I think I have every reason to be.

[Ken]

gay men who want boyfriends and straight women who want boyfriends really are the losers, because they always want someone to complete them. maybe that's why they bond. men who are out for sex only (straight, bi, or gay) and women who are sluts (straight, bi, or lezza) seem to have it the best. you don't see them whining on these boards. they're the ones being whined about LOL but you know it's true.

[anonymous]

I was single for a long time. Not celibate, but not in a relationship. I did a lot of work internally, to be happy with myself, and then started seeing someone. Be interesting, be the kind of person you want to date. Would you date someone who only wants 'a boyfriend' or someone who is into you specifically?

[new2chi]

this article made my bummed out weekend a little less bummed out. i've been wondering the same thing about myself and all my friends. the sad thing is that i live in a small town in the midwest (not for long though) so the gay community is very limited but i still run into the same problem. i'm sure i'll always feel that way but it really does help to know i'm not the only one.... thats why i love this site.

[moldar]

Well, What I think is where a person is at a point in his life. If a person is young then I would think he would experiment more. Find the right guy or not. I know some young guys who are happy with what they are doing and don't need a relationship. I think it has to do with how you are brought up and how you think of things.

As you get older, I find guys being more mature and responsible but not all. It’s something with being in a gay community that makes you act that way.

I might be straying away from the question ... just personal opinion on it... Okay to answer the question:
"Why is it that some of us remain single whereas others are on a boyfriend fast track?"

I think guys who remain single are either broken hearted from a previous
relationship or are happy with life that they don't need to share it with anyone. They are independent and rather be alone. On the other hand, the guy that has more than one relationship is looking for someone to settle down with or just can't stay alone. I find this more common in cultures that have more of family orientation or social setting than the US where it’s more individualistic. Though I think some American guys can sway from being “single” to “fast track”.

[Btseven88]

After a few boyfriends over the years. And the last one only lasting a year, I am no longer in the rush to find a new one. As you get older the reality is that your choices get fewer and that's OK. Many guys my age are so desperate in finding a boyfriend they will take risks at all costs to get one. I prefer to have close friends instead... sure I get less sex..... but meaningless sex is boring, besides I can have bad sex with myself and not worry about how to get him out of the house.

[kristian]

I am a serial monogamist.

sometimes i think i've been in love a hundred times,

somtimes i think i havent been in love at all.

[Jacksonface]

SteilenTO or whatever his name was had the only good solution to this problem. Instead of all of us bitching and moaning about our sob storys

LETS MAKE A CHAT ROOM NOT SHARE THE TEARS AND LET THE "normal guy" DATING BEGIN...for all of us posters that have "so much in common"

If we cant find dates or genuine caring gentlemen in that room, then the simple fact is that were all crazy.

We are dwelling too much into this posting and the details of what it takes to have a successful relationship or why people want to stay in a relationship. It is not wrong for someone to jump from relationship to relationship. That is life everyone wants to be loved at all times (unless your satan). Just like a sale, a gas station or a shoe that doesnt fit. If one is too expensive, too shady, or too small you dont give up your find the best alternative.

Relationships short, long, slutty, loving, dramatic, boring and or absurd all pan out that way for many underlying factions. Race, Age, Religion, Tradition and numerous characteristics lie within our composition and these dynamics make relationships what they are. Who are we to call someone needy, shady, heartless when we dont know these dynamics and arent there at every defining moment of a relationship that is none of our business.

Weve all dated the freaks, the pretty bois, the hot gay nerds, the older men, or the spray tan twinks and throughout all of these genres, weve all been close to true love in one of these categories im certain.

Simple fact is date as much as you can. Dont give up. The more you try the better chance you have of finding the "one"

Divorce rates are high as ever. Were not the only people going through this gay or str8. Keep trying hes out there.

Take every chance you get with men, but make yourself happy before you do this. You cant make a relationship work and or make it happy if you arent 100% comfortable with yourself.

If you love yourself you wont care about finding someone and your confidence will be so attractive that they will flock like birds. Then date all those damn birds and hopefully you find your Swan, or cute dorky ugly duckling whichever you prefer.

Dont give up boys, were all looking for eachhother!

[Ryan]

I can not speak for all, but, I was in a 3 year relationship. Within the last 3-6 months or so, we realized that our relationship wasn't what we had truly wanted. I'm very close friends with this person, now, but I started looking for new friends right after the break up. I wouldn't say I'm interested in a ltr, right now, but considering we've had about 6 months of closure, it doesn't take much to get over the actual point of break up.

[Joshua]

Maybe you aren't as hot as your roommate. I know that's how I feel. My roommate and my best friend are exactly like your roommate and I'm exactly like you. I am a freak and not that cute...my best friend is a freak but he's hot so guys put up with his shit and find it cute...when I do it they find it annoying. It's simple, guys think with their dick, they want the hottest guy they can find.

[g]

anything can be justified any way......

some boys don't care and want to party hard and do what they want..

others have a much more commitment....

not everyone is made the same

[Adrian L]

Its a riot to read the many lonely guy posts as they lament the single life and the fact that their buddies sex life is in overdrive. Hello do you read what these other guys are saying how can everyone be a great catch and no one still has a boyfriend? Expectation! leave it behind you. No one has the right to say that you done meet my expectations so I have to move on. Who the hell says you have to live up to anyone's expectations? Why not just be happy and be happy to be alone its not a bad thing sure we all want to have a relationship but then you find one and it does not meet your what? what? what did I say? Expectations. They tend to fuck you all up. Why not just accept yourself and others as the flawed lovely people we all are and maybe just maybe you will find someone who isnt looking for you to live up to their expectations and just love you for you.

[d]

agree

[Adam]

Younger guys, usually under 25, are able to find the next Mr. Right (Now) fairly quickly. Usually having their eyes on one before their relationship ends.

[Chis]

Wow. This seemed to hit home with a lot more ppl than I thought, before clicking on the article. I've had roommates that are serial-monogamists, friends, even an ex bf was the same way. I rarely date either and I feel that I'm on the picky side. Not by choice, just how I am. I also dont meet any guys in my area. I feel like I have a lot to bring to the table, but I dont ever meet any1. *shrug*

[Sargon Bighorn]

Is your room mate a pedophile? "I can never keep track of my roommate's boys". Or did you mean to say men?

[DetourK]

I'm only 21 and I completely feel overwhelmed by the fact that I see tons of people in relationships and going from one prospect to another and then taking a look at myself and seeing nothing. I've learned not to value myself by my relationships (or lack thereof), but I feel that I can excel in everything BUT that.

I live in the SF Bay Area, and despite having a plethora of gay men, a vast majority of them are walking cliches. It's quite disheartening. I know that people are willing to commit, and people do have relationships (how well they work I don't know), but I know it's possible...I guess just not for me?

I haven't been in a relationship before, I'm still a virgin (which I guess is rare for my age), and I don't do a lot of the things that typical gay people my age do. However, I don't think that resorting to hooking-up solves anything. And I think a problem is that people don't take me seriously enough b/c of my age...which is stupid.

I think that people need to grow up a little, don't expect a whole lot from people, and just don't give up hope. I don't mind being single now (although last year at this time I was agonizing over it), but I'm happy just focusing on my things...and plus it's way cheaper...:P

[Jerod]

I'm thinking that if Bradford kissed me like that, I'd be out robbing banks and knocking little old ladies over the head for him by sundown. Who in their right mind wouldn't want a together guy like that for that elusive LTR thang? Somewho I just cant imagine the man has any problem finding a good romance...and not at Barnes and Noble.

[Hobbes McClackentire]

A lot of it has to do with what you truly do want. But then again a famous philosopher once said "You can't always get what you want."