Old Age Is No Place For Sissies!
A topic many in the LGBT community don’t think about often is aging. We can accept it, but American society, unfortunately, still isn’t comfortable with “the gays.” Thus, when gay seniors need to find a retirement home, they are often shoved back into the closet. Significant others of many years are torn apart as they aren’t legally recognized as a couple with rights. What happens to you if you’re in your 60’s or 70’s with no biological family? How do you find affordable living arrangements that don’t muzzle a major part of your identity or life?
A Place to Live: The Story of Triangle Square is a documentary film that investigates this problem. The film won the Audience Award at OUTFEST in 2008.
The film follows seven older adults as they try to secure places in the first affordable LGBT housing facility in the U.S.—Triangle Square Hollywood. A lottery was set up to select the first residents, since the applicants overwhelmed the number of units in the facility.
The nonprofit Gay & Lesbian Elder Housing (GLEH) was founded in 2001 with the goal to build and operate a safe, affordable, multicultural housing development specifically for LGBT older adult. They called their initial project Triangle Square. Producer Cynthia Childs saw the construction site for Triangle Square and recognized the project’s cultural significance. She and director Carolyn Coal found people willing to talk about themselves and how they came to Triangle Square.
The 104-unit development opened in 2007 in Hollywood and has become a nurturing and safe home for gays and lesbians of all ethnicities, all socio-economic levels, and all ages. The movie looks at both the construction and planning behind Triangle Square but it also embraces the stories of residents before and as they joined this community.
A cultural misconception sees all “the gays” as young, wealthy, and buff; that’s far from the truth for an aging population that needs their own places to live out their years without hiding who they are. If you think you’re marginalized or ostracized, imagine how it is to be a LGBT senior. Even among other LGBT adults, the seniors are not always embraced as they should be.
A Place to Live is making the rounds at many LGBT film festivals. No matter how old you are, make it a point to find and watch this important and moving film. After all, you’re not getting any younger yourself…
Posted by Ted Samuels on February 19, 2009 in In The News
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Oh dear lord V...you can't be serious about Rainbow Vision??? This is nothing more than a gated community designed for the rich...condos starting at $500,000.00....not exactly what is needed for the elderly and poor in our community
Posted by: BearGardener aka Mark | February 27, 2009 at 12:05 PM
My husbear of nearly 26 years and I were just discussing this on the way home from work yesterday. What will we do if one or both of us needs special care, expensive medical treatments, etc....we have no children, and our family (nieces, nephews and such) will no doubt all be busy with lives and families of their own to care for two aging 'uncles'.
We have spent the last 2 decades planning for our retirement only to see the bulk of that fly out the window thanks to corporate greed and poorly regulated government agencies.
All the planning and money in the world will not guarantee any of us a dignified respectful retirement.
It certainly saddens me to read such hurtful self-centered comments as what Jason wrote...but I am not at all surprised by it as I see that attitude first hand in the Gay scene all the time. I hope that Jason and others who share his beliefs will when the time comes find more compassion and support than he/they are giving out.
I hope with all my heart that as my Robert and I age we will be able to maintain our health and will find a place in this world where we can continue to be together and share our lives with happiness and dignity till the end.
There certainly needs to be a lot more of these retirement/assisted living communities, but until we as a society can change our attitudes toward the elderly gay men and women I fear nothing will be done to help.
At 47 and 49 respectfully we are very fearful as to what the future (and no so distance future at that) holds for us and those like us.
Posted by: BearGardener aka Mark | February 27, 2009 at 12:33 PM
Wonderful video,I´m 49 but have always worried about how I would do if my health failed me completly when I´m too old to care for myself(if I´m lucky to get there!)
I´ve recently seen on Deutsche Welle(German Tv channel)another these initiatives on home for lgbt elderly and hope this spreads the whole world over-but with affordable prices for the great majority.
I also hope our communities over the world build a net cause only together can we stahd up to the general rejection and persecution of mainstream societies.
Our common effort could develop wordlwide shelter for gay abandoned kids and teenagers thrown out of home- even for those who are being mistreated in public institutions.
Please also see the case of the (then)Cornish teen,Peter Midwood, who went through hell in the years of 2004/8 in his region, due to institutional homophobia.
One of the links to the you tube videos on his case is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itpwloMfpco
The pinkpasty channel in you tube,is one of the best gay activist´s channels there with lots of documented cases and information on world lgbt activism,etc(there are other excellent ones,too, of course.
Posted by: Jo Alex SG | February 27, 2009 at 01:50 PM
Sorry for the mistypings.
Posted by: Jo Alex SG | February 27, 2009 at 01:54 PM
Thanks for this article on gay-senior retirement housing needs. This concern is insufficiently brought to the gay community's attention. Kudoes to Gay.com for publishing this important item. I'd like to see a weekly feature targeted to the needs of gay folk over 50. Keep up the good work, and keep helping us move forward as a community!
Posted by: HueyNYC | February 27, 2009 at 03:36 PM
Two weeks ago, I turned 60. In 1993 through !995, I suffered 4 heart attacks, a cardiac sudden death, and became a cancer survivor. I had a good retirement savings that rapidly disappeared when I could no longer work. I currently live on $1000 a month disability.
This is NOT what I had planned for myself. I was just told yesterday, by my landlord( from whom I rent a room with kitchen privileges, that the house is going up for Sheriff's Sale next month! I just found out that I qualify for $14 a month in food stamps. I guess I'll be going on a diet.
I'm two years too young to qualfy for low income elderly housing.
Needless to say, "I don't know what to expect next". Does anyone know of a 'hole' I can crawl into?
Posted by: Jay Shay | February 27, 2009 at 04:06 PM
There is one thing I just never have understood about Gays. Why do they make such a big deal about their so called "difference" from other people? If they would simply NEVER NOTICE or ACKNOWLEDGE in any way that such a "difference" actually exists between them and other people, they would effectively FORCE 99.9% of other people to treat them as they would any other human beings. Yes, social prejudices exist, and will probably always exist, because fundamentally we are a species which is perversely fascinated by "difference." But there is only one way to abolish or ameliorate that prejudice- and that is too be absolutely certain that one treats EVERYONE else as individuals first and foremost. To do that one must follow Gandhi's command to "be the change you wish to see." Do not self-identify as "Gay". Do not insist that there is something called a "Gay Idenity" and that you absolutely must socialize with or live with "ones' own kind". (Because actually there is no such "kind" except in the mind of the prejudiced.) Do not cultivate such thinking at all. You will be automatically liberated from history and from your own tortures if you pratice this. If Gays simply practiced this rule they would have long ago advanced to become the leaders of society, instead they go to tawdry bars, advertise just like corrupt heteros for sex, and justify everything they do and think on the grounds of "prejudice". Liberation is yours at any moment. Why bewail your state or condition when the door out of the nonsense is open to you?
Posted by: Bill | February 27, 2009 at 07:50 PM
Not everyone can afford to buy into the two condo facilities that were mentioned above. I have nothing against them, but more affordable housing is needed for all of us. I had to leave work at 57 because of a work related injury. Savings were used up in 5 years so I had to apply for disabled housing where rents are based upon income. Unfortunately waits are very long because for almost a decade very few new facilities were being built. Instead of being klannish and living in an 'all gay" complex I'm sure there are plenty of hetros who don't mind the diversity of a so called mixed unit midrise.
Posted by: bill | February 27, 2009 at 07:52 PM
we become the biggest consumers and we spend all of our money in the latest stuff(being comuters, clothing, trendy places) we spend big money on everything because that is supposed to be us.
idi not had much to start with but just enough to have a good life day by day i got "married" and when i broke up i did not take anyhting so i had to move back with my parents or whore myself so i just move back with my parents, i 'm 36 years old have a degree but i'm starting from down up, its sad because i thouhgt this was never happening to me but it did, wht i can say is that we should look into our future and become more savy with money because we never know what is going to happen to us and nobody will support us.
Posted by: jose | February 27, 2009 at 08:24 PM
FINALLY an intelligent story that doesn't focus on half naked men. I am young by the way not that old and I appreciate a topic that is relevant. I'm surprised since most of the crap I see on here is about some gay athlete accompanied by half nude pics.
Posted by: Derek | February 27, 2009 at 08:48 PM
Fantastic story about housing for older LGBT folks! I have long held the dream that if I win the lottery, I will establish the 1st ever LGBT nursing home. Having been a part of a generation (baby-boomers) who grew up in the cornfields of the mid-west, I know all-to-well that it has not been an easy walk for many of us. My heartfelt appreciation to every one of those who have paved the way for the LGBTs of today. We've come a long way, baby, but there is a lot of highway left to be built. Every LGBT person needs to be thinking about, "Will you still need me? Will you still feed me, when I'm 64?" Can any one think of a better environment than being surrounded with the comfort of a LGBT community? That is something I have dreamed of for a long time. I hope there will be such a place for me.
Posted by: Jed | February 27, 2009 at 11:01 PM
Active in every major and virtually
most minor human rights struggles of
past half century, included the GLBT
Movement prior to Stonewall where I
partipicated in "Three Days of Rage."
In 1977, I co-founded Senior Action
in Gay Environment (SAGE) in NYC --
first GLBT elder organization in US.
There is generational divided unique
to the GLBT community in which Gay
Male is considered "over the hill"
at 30 and dead at 40. Compared with
Straight seniors, Gays are twice as
likely to be single and three times
as likely to be w/o caretakers.
Given that HRC is political lobbying
organization and NGLTF research and
leadership organization, one cannot
count upon those groups for support.
Posted by: AdmiralDupont | February 28, 2009 at 01:03 AM
Only 15% of GLBT express interest in
ever getting married. Thus, 85% of
GLBT did not in any way participate
in "No on Prop 8" campaign. NWST my
advocating SSM more than 15 yrs ago,
it is for that reason I never thought
marriage should be lead GLBT issue.
There are others which should be of
at least equal concern -- elder care
is only one. Please note before one
even gets to housing, there are less
than a dozen GLBT elder oganizations
in nation. Fortunately for today's
GLBT youth, they need have no such
worries since they will never get old
Contrary to Jason's stereotype, there
are some of us who did not engage in
extravagant sex behavior or indulge
in prevalent drug culture in past.
Unfortunately, there is no shortage
of selfish, self-centered, self-
absorbed young people in community.
This is not to say that youth are all
all that way. Traditionally, each
generation relies on the other for
support at different times. Sadly,
this is not on horizon for GLBT.
Posted by: AdmiralDupont | February 28, 2009 at 01:36 AM
Well, this is a problem the society will not ackowledge yet, and we have to look after ourselves. A friend of mine had this idea of makeing a retirement home for gays and lesbians a long time ago, and she is right. We will realize this dream, here in Brazil at the Banana Country....we are all over the 50ties and want going on in enjoying our lives
Posted by: Horst | February 28, 2009 at 03:10 AM
Don't be so hard on Jason - he's doing what he's been told to do - take care of himself and take care of his future.
For those older gays that feel useless - there are plenty of volunteer opportunities for you to help your fellow man.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who will need help - so what can the gay community do to help it's own? There's a cause just waiting to happen! Who's going to start the senior gay booth at the street party?
Posted by: dave | February 28, 2009 at 05:59 AM
As a son of a elderly lesbian and a dealing with this I wish we all could do more. I moved back to a city were the population is mainly seniors, but they still use the term FAG and don't rent to same sex couples. They have to tell people at the hospital that her partner is her daughter. This was to stay closer to my mother and here partner. Because of her failing health and aging. I am HIV+ and have to hide who I am and after living in Los Angeles is extremely hard! It scares me to think about what will happen if I'm not here to help. As of now I can offer them a place to come if something were to happen, but I know that even I am growing older and time is not on my side. I hope this grows in numbers and the LGB community really looks at the future with care and that it takes all of us to care for each other and make a place where we can grow old with dignity and enjoy the last golden years of our lives like we always have with that exciting zest for life!
Posted by: Douglas | February 28, 2009 at 07:01 AM
I read these posts with sadness and some confusion. While the title of the original article seems to sum it up many posts seem to be focused on the financial situations of older adults. I think the intent was certainly greater than financial. It was to demonstrate that we as gay people, no matter what our net worth, may not have any viable options for retirement living in a community of people who respect us, our lives, our rights and our feelings. Everyone in all facets of life wants to be able to live out their final years respectfully and comfortably. Comfort is all relative. I dont think anyone said that LGBT folks were looking for a handout, we are looking for a place to be repsected for who we are, who are partners are. I am very fortunate financially, and while that will allow me choices others dont have, it doesnt guarantee me that I wont be treated as that old gay man in apt 201, dont bother with him or his needs, he is gay. Therein lies the real meat of this story...money or not you may end up somewhere being forced to pretend you are someone or something else. A year ago would have thought I will build my own damn LGBT retirement community. HA! Many of us have suffered huge financial losses with our current economy and market crisis. I dont remember any of my investments losing because I was gay. They lost for many reason we as the lay people in this economy cant explain, but are forced to shoulder the burden for.
As for the ridiculous child posting above "Jason-33"... sweetheart nobody asked for you one thin dime. If you think your current level of planning and saving at 33 years of age will sustain your old gay ass at 83...get a grip. I, at 44 years old have more money than I ever thought I would have cumlatively in my lifetime, but I know (certainly now more than ever) that hwat you think will last and grow will not in many cases. And as stated... No matter how much or how little $$$ we have its about being respected and appreciated for who we are.
SO LGBT Community...what are we gonna do about this with our collectively creative, fabulous and forward thinking selves....?
Posted by: Mack | February 28, 2009 at 07:53 AM
Our bad luck in Life sometimes is not choices we make and destiny is not aways in our control. I worked since I was 19 at a company for 28 years and it closed. I supported my mother who had bipolar and I moved out of state taking her and my partner with for another job and due to the move she was 81 she passed away 1/2006. The same year I had colon cancer but I was able to have surgery, and in hopes all is ok. My lover of 16 years also became ill. I was happy to have a employer where I could carry her on my insurance but she passed away 3/2008 at only 59 from infection during surgery. Now this employer just closed. I have yet been given a pin to drawn unemployement but also I have no friends here no one and no children. The gays are not friendly here. Never reached out when I was at the hospital even called a Rev at a gay church to be with me when I had to let her go. He never came. I have and still grieve. I am alone now. I am 57. Most straights would have been able to collect social security based off of working spouse. I will not. We talked about what would we do when we got old but never thought the other would die so soon. I have a friend who is in her sixties in another state lives in a Baptist, nursing home and of course they do not know about her. I am sadden to think as I get older my life will end up like that. Not to sit and talk to others about love and loss. To listen about their partner and share our memories and help each other with grief. My partner and I always wanted to start a retirement place for elder gays but as always it takes money and support from the gay community but it does focus on the youth and focus on those with money. Yes, Thank you gay.com for this open discussion and how true it really is for those that do not even know how to use a computer to commuincate with someone just anyone like I am now and is living a life in the closet in an old age home. How sad indeed. I pray that day will never come for me. My heart goes out for those of you in hopes tomorrow will be a better day.
Posted by: kayster | February 28, 2009 at 05:55 PM
Old age is a scary prospect, regardless of where you live in the world. You have to plan --to the very best of your ability--while enjoying to the max this fleeting life that goes by SO fast. We are a culture obsessed with guarantee(s), while there aren't any - other than death and taxes. PLAN, but also enjoy your life and focus on the best case, not the worst case scenario. If i were to remain homeless, destitute and hopeless, regardless of my christian upbringing, I reserve the right to end my own life.
Posted by: Paul | February 28, 2009 at 08:18 PM
I'm 23 now, finishing up the final years of my bachelor's degree program, a budding fitness model and have to admit, I've been pretty blessed genetically and financially to this point. While the genetics were pure luck, all of my finances were brought about through a lot of hard work. I'm sure many of you already lump me in the "Jason Bartlett" category, but its not true.
I really support this articles premise, and I want to see more of the LGBT community that preceded me have the ability to live in peace and security in the final years, months and days of their lives. When it comes to stuff like this, I gladly put my money where my mouth is because in the end, words don't matter as much as funding to make stuff happen. Id like to do more once I'm making a higher income though, because at the end of the day I'm still a college student.
Posted by: Rhys | March 01, 2009 at 09:04 AM
Re: Jason Bartlett's comment.
Firstly, I commend him for his wise financial planning and success.
Secondly, his comments resonate like a bass drum the outrageous political philosophy of Log Cabin Republicans; I'm alright Jack, f***k you!
Thirdly, he should really look at his 401k, I think his losses might reduce his hubris, illuminate the problems that frugal seniors, who planned well for their retirements, are facing and, even, give him a smidgen of compassion or empathy.
Watch out Jason, tomorrow you could be joining the 13 million unemployed and underemplyed Americans.
Posted by: Voyagerx | March 01, 2009 at 10:19 AM
I got involved about 6 years ago quite by accident in "GLBT Elder Housing" as a finacial supporter & volunteer for RainbowVision (for-profit in Santa Fe, N.M. & other locations). The time I've volunteered has been a real eye-opener, so much so, that we have our own GLBT "non-profit" Elder Housing group (www.GLifeHousing.org) with multiple housing options in metro-Houston, Tx. I'm also aware other groups have formed all across the U.S.A. THANKS to GAY.COM for making this info available.
Posted by: Steve | March 01, 2009 at 01:02 PM
Some really awesome comments...eloquent, well-reasoned, and reasonable. Seems a step above the usual tit for tat crap you read under comments on the web.
I see many sides of this. From - "you better take care of yourself, because no one else will (or should)" to "wouldn't it be nice if ____" utopia chatter. But, the truth is the harder side of it. You've got to do what it takes to ensure your own security.
Alex's experience in San Diego is not unique. Lots of people have had the rug pulled out from under them. The next few years will not be pretty re: job retention. My 401k is worth 1/2 of what it was a year ago. Everyday I wonder if I should cut my losses and transfer it to low risk/low return bonds because the bottom might fall out.
I am 41. I've definitely felt youth and beauty fade in the last 3-4 years. Those two traits are important in gay life. Their loss can leave you feeling unmoored, wondering - what do I do for the next 30+ years now that I am no longer "desireable"? Yeah, friends and activities fill the gap to some extent, but if you are single it can feel rather empty at times.
I have a close friend who is mid-30s, HIV+, and addicted to meth. He says "gay men shouldn't live any longer than 43". I don't think he will make it to 43.
No offense to those who claim to be gay rights revolutionaries of the 70s, but I fail to see much that is positive in the gay community as a result of your work. Perhaps I am holding you accountable for human (and male) nature, or expecting too much despite your evident pride in your actions of 30-40 years ago. Your legacy is a sick community. There are some amazing gays I have known, but the vast majority are selfish, childish, short sighted, sybaritic, self-obsessed, and rarely concerned with much beyond their own physical pleasures and prestige.
With as much self doubt and negativity as many of us grew up with you would think we'd be a tight bunch, but the opposite is true. Given the choice between straight friends and gay friends, I'd likely choose the straight ones. I could be assured of much less BS coming down the pike in my direction as a result.
I bet a lot of the people who posted here would be cool to know. Maybe we could build a gay retirement community for the sane?
Posted by: Pete | March 01, 2009 at 09:49 PM
Just keep in mind that every where you go.... who ever you are... Gay people are still HUMAN to LIVE... Guys this is what we are..... GODS is Not Sleeping He knows everything.... God Bless you all.....
Your Brother,
FUMA
Posted by: fuma | March 01, 2009 at 11:49 PM
To jason Bartlet you sound like a pompous clown saying nonsence and throwing excuses out for not helping others. I do not use drugs or drink liquor along with my friends who don't do things such as you imply. What about those who have worked for 35 years and have saved all of our lives only to have greedy moron's Excutives to lose and squander our retirement funds like the foul pigs they are only to distroy our retirements, lives etc, and are forced to exhist on only our Social security income and have to live from hand to mouth. Did you ever consider what happens to people who become sick and are forced to quit working due to serious health reasons. You need to get your head out of the dark smelly hole you are hiding in and realize you are not so special just fortunate that you have your health and have not yet been consumed by some moron living in a five million dollar home from screwing the public at large.
Posted by: Randy Lowe | March 02, 2009 at 07:54 AM
To Jason Bartlett:
How sad to be only 33 and have such a bitter outlook toward the world. Whatever happened to kindness and compassion? So many of those people you believe were "partying" were people like me: kicked out of our homes as teenagers because we were gay, and then forced to find some way to make it in the world without an education or the advantages our straight counterparts had. You are so lucky to have found what you have at so young an age. Be thankful for that and consider the reality that thousands of people in our community are not as fortunate as you. Then please, please, please find a way to be more understanding and loving!
Posted by: Suzanne | March 03, 2009 at 11:29 AM
First of all, I want to say I'm now in love with Robert Gant! To be that beautiful, gay and have a thinking brain and a loving heart!?! Love ya!
I have always thought my old age would be like the Gay Golden Guys! Thanks to Bea, Rue, Estelle and Betty, if I'm single, that's the way I want to live.
But I do believe this is only one of several ways to plan for the reclining years. I urge people to start thinking about their futures now and start working towards it. Be it the lottery hotel of the aging, or housemating with people like yourselves, or whatever. As gays, we tend to live in the now, but if you don't prepare for the possiblilities down the road, it could come back to get you!
Posted by: Jeremy Devereaux | March 10, 2009 at 09:52 AM
This very important film needs to be seen in theaters, on TV and on DVD by both gay and mainstream audiences. If anyone works in the movie business please help the filmmakers make this happened. And be sure to check out the upcoming screenings in Cleveland, OH and London, UK.
The official website is www.aplacetolivemovie.com
Posted by: Carl Lempke | March 18, 2009 at 12:34 AM
I had mixed feelings on the "No Place for Sissies" video. My lover of 25 years and I are "victims of circumstance"--he's been bedridden for four years. The unforeseen has happened. This is the future for some of you out there. I firmly believe we must help each other out (we need some type of universal health care), but everyone must take responsibility for their lives. My lover has, as have I. Gays need equal protection under the law, but preparing for the future is everyone's task in in life. Your grandparents did it, your parents did it, and so must you--we grow old, adapt, and go on.
Fifteen years ago, I was tweaked out and cared only about myself. By 40 I gained weight and became whiny. I had enough of that shit...you only have one life--you got to take charge of it. I've adapted a healthy lifestyle, ran four marathons, and got my finances under control--paid off all my debts except for my mortgage. When someone whines about being 47 or 49, I just roll my eyes. At 51, I wake up at 2 and 4 am to turn my lover in his bed to prevent pressure sores, but in the morning, I go for my run, my eyes fixed on the road ahead. That's life.
Posted by: wpasadena | April 09, 2009 at 05:07 PM
I am confused by the attacks on Jason. His comments are irrelevant to your life. YOU need to take care of you....in good times and bad. If having those $200 jeans today is imperative, you may pay the price later on when you need that money (and the interest from it) for housing and medicine.
Why are gays, and so many other minority groups, so obsessed with universal health care? Maybe it's HIV? Have you seen the debt Obama is racking up? Does this seem sustainable to you? Do you think you could add another 2 trillion dollars on top for health care and we'd all be peachy for the next 10, 20, 30 years? Are you pleased with your prospects for collecting Social Security if you are under 50? The retirement age will be rising soon, and the benefits will drop.
The ONLY reason Europe has been able to run their socialist cradle to grave programs as long as they have is because they don't have to pay for their own defense in any substantial way. Even with that major bill covered by us, they are still failing, and having to import workers to keep the house of cards standing. They are mostly immigrants from muslim countries. Europe will look very different in 20 years. Read "America Alone" by Mark Stein if you don't believe that. It's a matter of math. Whites aren't having kids, and the muslims are. Call me a racist if you wish, but culture matters. I ain't talking about skin color. Gays are already being harrassed and beat up in Amsterdam by muslim gangs.
So yes. It's very easy to wish we all lived in some socialist utopia and we could all skip through a field of daises while some concerned and loving government geniuses worried about all our needs and safety. But, the result of that is a country of sick needy children. Man up, and take care of yourself. You will be the beneficiary in many many ways.
Posted by: pmg | April 10, 2009 at 12:01 PM
i wont comment as much as saying, gay.com please post links to where we can do our part, in whatever way, thanks.
Posted by: smsoto24 | April 27, 2009 at 02:08 PM