Old Age Is No Place For Sissies!
A topic many in the LGBT community don’t think about often is aging. We can accept it, but American society, unfortunately, still isn’t comfortable with “the gays.” Thus, when gay seniors need to find a retirement home, they are often shoved back into the closet. Significant others of many years are torn apart as they aren’t legally recognized as a couple with rights. What happens to you if you’re in your 60’s or 70’s with no biological family? How do you find affordable living arrangements that don’t muzzle a major part of your identity or life?
A Place to Live: The Story of Triangle Square is a documentary film that investigates this problem. The film won the Audience Award at OUTFEST in 2008.
The film follows seven older adults as they try to secure places in the first affordable LGBT housing facility in the U.S.—Triangle Square Hollywood. A lottery was set up to select the first residents, since the applicants overwhelmed the number of units in the facility.
The nonprofit Gay & Lesbian Elder Housing (GLEH) was founded in 2001 with the goal to build and operate a safe, affordable, multicultural housing development specifically for LGBT older adult. They called their initial project Triangle Square. Producer Cynthia Childs saw the construction site for Triangle Square and recognized the project’s cultural significance. She and director Carolyn Coal found people willing to talk about themselves and how they came to Triangle Square.
The 104-unit development opened in 2007 in Hollywood and has become a nurturing and safe home for gays and lesbians of all ethnicities, all socio-economic levels, and all ages. The movie looks at both the construction and planning behind Triangle Square but it also embraces the stories of residents before and as they joined this community.
A cultural misconception sees all “the gays” as young, wealthy, and buff; that’s far from the truth for an aging population that needs their own places to live out their years without hiding who they are. If you think you’re marginalized or ostracized, imagine how it is to be a LGBT senior. Even among other LGBT adults, the seniors are not always embraced as they should be.
A Place to Live is making the rounds at many LGBT film festivals. No matter how old you are, make it a point to find and watch this important and moving film. After all, you’re not getting any younger yourself…
Posted by Ted Samuels on February 19, 2009 in In The News
| Back to gay.com
I'm just a couple of years away from 60 now, and in Denver, the worst place for an aging gay. Also, I lost my career in 2001, went back to school to retrain but couldn't leave to start (or hope to start) a new career since I had to stay here to care of an aging parent. I'll inherit a property that I hope I will be able to sell as soon as possible after that. But I'm in deep deep doo doo cause I will only have a small amount of money afterwards to live on. Even if I'm 100, I'll do anything to get out of Denver anyway.
Posted by: David | February 23, 2009 at 05:31 PM
I'm 50, working part-time with an income of about$300 a month, no savings & helping a surviving parent keep up the family home place in a small town rural area in eastern Texas. My month social security will be even less if I ever "retire". I suffered a lot of abuse & broken promises from previous employers who took advantage of me or never honored my employment agreement. I've spent a lot of years unemployed, without receiving any financial aid or help. I'm lucky that I do have some family that will hopefully look out for me a bit as I get older, but I won't ever go to a retirement center or nursing home. I come from a family that were mostly sharecroppers & farmers during the Great Depression, so as long as my health is good, I can grow my own food to a certain degree. I am trying to keep myself in the best health I can now since any catastrophic health problems would surely do me in. It would be nice to find some type of home business or income right now, but that hasn't happened. Continuing education would help me little with where I now live. I don't seem to qualify for any help. I'm one of those gays who fell through the cracks along life's highway. The idea of a gay retirement community, even if it were financially feasible for me, is quaint, but there won't ever be one around here. I'd like to see an article that could show someone like me a way to produce more viable income to save & retire on.
Posted by: SecondHandLion | February 23, 2009 at 06:45 PM
With both my parents passing away last year the film clip was terribly emotional for me to look at the seniors hoping for peace and security in their later years. So many thoughts and pain came back to mind. Seeing folks planning for the last years of life hits a bit too close to home at the moment. This is such an important issue however and I am appreciative of gay.com including this as one of the featured topics on the front page. So often lately I have seen people commenting negatively on stories and the importance and value to the gay community. I hope a lot of those commentators will chime in and let us know that they read and appreciate such an important issue being given the spotlight. I think about my retirement planning but usually I don't think about what impact my being gay may have on what comes to pass. Thanks for the story and letting us know about this innovative project.
Posted by: Daniel | February 23, 2009 at 07:19 PM
i am glad gay.com decided to post this video. you know being 23 now I never really thought about how things will be when i get older. It's not like i am gonna be this age forever. It must be terrifying to get to an age and not be able to have a place to stay. I couldn't even imagine it.Thanks gay.com. Everyone should see this. Because like it or not we are all heading his way eventually. maybe not to where we have no place to stay but to where we will be that age. I guess maybe there's more to the site than originally thought to be.
Posted by: Marvin | February 23, 2009 at 07:40 PM
I can't even begin to explain this to guys that will never grow up. These people can't think at my level and I'm not even old yet. When I meet someone that thinks they want to coltivate a relationship I ask myself where am I going to be with this person in 5 .. 10 .. 15 ..20 years provided they last more then a week. People often think I'm a jerk but I live in reality and I ask questions that don't pertain to their level of thinking which is based on perversion. No one want to think that if you don't die of aids you'll be kicked to the curb unwanted ostrasized and undesired. People don't care they think mom and dad's inheritence will last for ever in our economy or they think they can continue using people like they do now. If you're not rich you'll be that bag lady you like to make fun of. I guess none of you will know until it finally hits home or in most of these cases homelessness.
Posted by: Cris | February 23, 2009 at 07:43 PM
Does anyone notice how many people responded so far with a simple comment of concern
Posted by: Cris | February 23, 2009 at 07:53 PM
Our whole culture focuses on the young even though this group grows smaller every day. I am 51 and dealing with major health issues, while trying to retrain for a career in health care. I hope I stay healty enough to set some money aside for when I can't work. I was blue collar, no 401k or anything close. Construction doesn't have that. The sheer number of people wanting to get into this residence should send a clear and loud signal to developers and non profits. The Human Rights Campaign Fund should stop fooling with superficial issues and deal with this reality. Gays Lesbians and Transgender people aren't going to go away when they are no longer pretty. The long haul of life (and we will live longer) means we MUST find affordable, safe and community oriented and supportive places for us to live. Trailer parks in Florida are not going to cut it.
Posted by: Woofda9 | February 23, 2009 at 08:11 PM
I agree with the above comments. In this day of economic troubles and daily frustrations, it is important to find support, loyal friends when family won't be there. This nation is going to have to adapt, change and except the preferences of the older generations to come to retirement age. Its not just the gay communities its all the other group types that are not fit into the comtemporary way of thinking too, where are we all suppose to go. That's correct, youthfullness eventually goes for everyone.
Posted by: Laun | February 23, 2009 at 09:02 PM
Awesome article GAY.COM! Thank you.
Are you reading this little bois, buff bunnies and twinks? You're next! Better be prepared.
Posted by: Tyler | February 23, 2009 at 09:38 PM
Will you regret all the money you spent when you thought aging was something that happened to everyone else but you?
I wonder - boy.
;)
See why it is important to get fully recognition of gay marriage? It is not just to "get married" but to share the benefits with your partner, well if you have and can keep one for more than a few months, of course.
The United States Constitution guarantees equality for all. So why in hell they think we are a second class citizens and worse why do we allow it?
Life questions, uh?
So hurry up, age is knocking at your door!
Posted by: Your_Fear | February 23, 2009 at 10:19 PM
Feel so sorry for the gays that screwed their asses off in the 70's and thought they'd never age. Lesson learned. Boo hoo for them. Now they want us to take care of them? LAUGH! I'm 33 years old and have had savings and retirement plans and company pension for ten years now. Take responsibility for yourself. Maybe all these people shouldn't have spent so much money on drugs and should've stashed some away. I'm just saying.
Posted by: Jason Bartlett | February 23, 2009 at 11:31 PM
Great article! In the gay community it seems that if you are over 30 (sometimes over 25) that you are ostracized and looked upon as being a dinosaur that should already be extinct. I often worry about such things as being alone in my 50s or 60s without anyone that cares to be around.
Evidently too many guys that are young just live in the moment and don't think about the future. Maybe the reality of it is just too scary. It's scary for me.
Posted by: Cory | February 23, 2009 at 11:58 PM
Being disabled and gay with little family i feel the pressures of life closing in around me, I do my best and financially should be secure if taxes don't eat everything i eventually inherit away, but i feel for those out there who have nothing, there need to be more places that GLBT adults of all socioeconomical levels can age without having to go back into a coset that they so bravely came out of. That fact disgusts me, It also makes me ashamed to be an american.
Posted by: Aaron | February 24, 2009 at 02:34 AM
For Jason the 33 year old that posted above to brag about his savings and retirement, is a bore and a sad but typical commentary, on many, but not all younger gay people. The reason why people have been able to have some success is due to the invisible older gay people that helped pave a way for younger people to have those benefits. Most younger gay guys today can't imagine life in the 80's much less the decades before that..
I'm sure Jason has worked hard but is typical in that he is self-absorbed, and lacks empathy and assumes that older people spent their time partying in the 70 's. Thats hilarious. When he is 53, 63, and 73, I hope he check in on how he sees the world then.
The reality is that the gay community in general is unprepared for aging, financially, emotionally, and culturally. Its focused totally on youth and beauty like these things last forever. The time for it is so fleeting. The rest of the time is spent on being pretty self absorbed until the reality of aging is faced by the facts in the mirror.
I too, am worried about aging. I'm getting over the loss of youth and beauty, but scared of not having my friends and especially of the ever increasing reality that all of my close family members will be gone because just as I have been getting older so have they and I face prospect of likely living without any close family members alive. Sadly even relationships are mostly fleeting, so family is all there is at the end of the day.
It will only be me and when I cross the finish line, I'll be alone when I die. Sadly the Gay community has lots of people just like Jason above, heartless and self-absorbed. When they do figure it out, it will be too late.
I hope the housing project in this story succeeds as well as others around the country. The community is going to need a place to go where people can get treated with dignity.
Posted by: Alex | February 24, 2009 at 03:47 AM
Sadly, stereotypes exist. They exist for a reason.
Jason is a good example of a stereotype, although there are many others, too.
I remember when AIDS was first cast out in the early 1980s as 'the gay plague.' I was 6 or 7 and said to my Mum that I hoped that would never happen to me. Although she had no comment, except to turn the channel on the television to a less challenging news story, I had some deeply seeded concept in my young mind that GAY = AIDS. At that young age I was not only somehow self aware, but also victim to the stereotype of the times.
When I was in early Junior High School I could not imagine being 40 years old, despite the fact my Mum turned 40 annually. In my mind I had images of the many 'bachelors' that we knew who were ust miserable and alone. I remember thinking that 40 somehow was next to death. My naive mind caused a stereotype, that's for sure.
Now in my 30s I am looking ahead at 40, 50, and beyond. (All of my grandparents managed to make it to 100, at least...) I have been estranged from my family for nearly a decade, having instead, cultivated many wonderful friednships into what I call my family of intention.
That will still, at some point, however, leave me without family or people in the 'stereotypical' roles of caregivers should I need them.
I do not have a morbid sense of life, but do see the need to be prepared. I see the reality of it every day when walking my dog...they may not be glbt people, but they are homeless. It is a constant reminder of how anyone can slip through the cracks.
It is common to make Living Wills and Wills, funeral arrangements, and POAs well in advance, it's almost trendy. But we often forget the importance of planning for the stage of life before death. Those years that are supposed to be golden and yet have a way of running up on us while we are still looking at remaining young and beautiful.
No matter the size of the savings account, no matter how expensive your jeans and your car are (or not), no matter how good looking you are (or not), it is never to early to plan.
Afterall, planning ahead is sexy! (and rambling is not, so I will put this to an en.)
Posted by: DufferINVermont | February 24, 2009 at 05:51 AM
One never knows what life will throw one's way. There are any number of retirees in Florida, Arizona, Nevada (whereever) whose wealth has been wiped out by the dip in the stock market, real estate and thieves like Bernie Madoff.
I'm sure a few of them looked down their noses at the unwashed masses and said to themselves: "How could they have planned so poorly for their golden years?"
Now they're working as greeters at Walmart, hoping that the food bank has meat this week, and praying that the foreclosure notice won't be posted on their door.
Posted by: Sheldon | February 24, 2009 at 06:18 AM
A misleading headline. "Homeless"? No, just trouble finding a retirement home.
Posted by: Jack | February 24, 2009 at 06:49 AM
Even here in Canada senior gays face homophobia in retirement homes, especially from other residents and are often 'forced' back into the closet. As I age (now 53) I do take heart that I have full rights here in Canada. As a young man I feared aging more for homophobia than for aging itself. I feared that there would be roaming gangs of youth bent on harrassing, beating or accusing old gay men of sexual assault (pedophilia) much like what happened to previous generations. Luckily that has changed for the better here and I no longer fear that. I am hoping that when and if I have to go into a retirement or nursing home there will be gay-specific facilities or at least a level of 'tolerance' (for lack of a better word) that is acceptable for me and other gays and lesbians and trans people.
Posted by: Roger | February 24, 2009 at 07:05 AM
I'm a huge fan of social programs. see them as being like insurance-we help out the old and the sick and the homeless now, and when we become old, sick, or homeless, there will be in place a system to help us.
Now, the larger heterosexual community doesn't want to help queers. If you go to the Salvation Army, they'll throw you out. Churches preach hate at us from the pulpit-do you think they're going to feed or clothe you? Maybe they will, but not before they force you to sit through sermon after sermon about how awful you are and how much God hates you.
Therefore, if anyone is going to set a system in motion that will care for our sick, elderly, and homeless, we have to do it ourselves, the same way the older generations of queers took care of each other during the AIDS crisis a few decades ago. The straight community abandoned them, but they didn't just curl up and die quietly like the preachers and politicians wanted them to-they fought back, they housed their sick, nurtured them back to health, protested to get AIDS drugs and forced the government to study the disease they would otherwwise have ignored.
We, the younger generations, should do the same. Just because heterosexual America hates us doesn't mean we cannot love one another.
Posted by: Rain City Blues | February 24, 2009 at 08:22 AM
Being in my 30's I too worry about what will happen when I get older, I have a husband who's 20 years my senior, luckily we are both still in good shape that we can work and have a retirement package but even that may not help out much when the time comes.
I think it's important that we as a community ban together to help our elders, I met someone recently who wa sin the Stonewall riots and all I could do was shake his hand because he laid the groundwork so that I can go to work everyday without having to be in the closet.
And try not to judge all of us younger guys by Jason, my parents, my grandparents they are all important parts of my life and I respect the older generation as much as I do mine, not all of us have the emotional capacity of a toothpick.
Posted by: Vince | February 24, 2009 at 08:40 AM
So why doesnt one of the many gay CEOs help fund a movement or create an actualy Gay retirement community--with the housing crisis working that deal should be easily done. I know for a fact that Petsmart CEOs are mostly gay, so "where is the love" Corporate World. woof woof for the kitty kitty.
Crist has a valid post: youth take notice: be not myopic.
Alex's response deserves respect too.
Now is the time, if you are young enough to get an education. At 36 I entered college (private), which is more difficult and more rewarding since I could not see myself working retail at fifty. What is the alternative since the Protestant Work Ethic is no longer an American Value (Whyte).
The change in the economy will make and break many folks, straight or gay--and this is artificial natural selection. For a bit of hope, being gay without children makes one mobile and mobility will be effective for the next ten years. If it's "in ya" you will respond with greatness, if not, " and I am sorry," but this is the way of the wild--and reflective thinking does have it merits.
If you are not so smart, and see a younger person with value and promise--support them and they will "remember" you. Learn to look beyond sex--and into the hearts and eyes of men. :)
For those who muble thirty is a dinosaur: it is all in character and form. Just because one cannot be a lover does not one cannot be a mentor. Again, selfish attitudes kill!
I remember when I was very young and queer how I wanted a mentor just to "know." That never happend, but I can be that now--if anything, by living and thinking and exposing my thoughts. In fact, young people are attracted to intelligent thinking, because in truth, their brains are absorbing for ideas along their path. Too bad that tends to stop at thirty with most. Is that you?
Prove Thoreau wrong: old deeds older people, new deeds/thoughts with the youth.
Science as a way of thinking or living: parasitic: google the cowbird and then for mutualism: google the fig, fig-wasp relationship.
Posted by: zarxo | February 24, 2009 at 09:52 AM
Brother Jason Bartlett
Unfortunate it is that you have not learned more compassion by 33. Jealousy is evident in your judgement of sexual indulgence of 70's. Its great that your on the right track financial , many people make poor decisions for many reasons. Best we can do is be thankful for the good ones we have made and encourage our brothers to make good choices as well. Heal people with your thoughts of them don't harm them.- M
Posted by: Matt M | February 24, 2009 at 10:24 AM
I agree with R.C.B. -
Gay people need to tend to their own - and I'll say this as well:
Respect for the elderly is important. So much has been done for us all - and I don't think we say thank you enough.
With that said - I can't wait until I'm like 90 - so I can go hit on Police Officers and Firemen...
I'll be like, "Cuff me but dont break me bitch!"
LOL - yep...that's what I'm gonna do!
Posted by: Wyatt1969again | February 24, 2009 at 10:24 AM
I'm 64+, took early social security, and am struggling to survive on that income. My 401K's that I had from two previous employers were used to settle debts due to unemployment the first time and to start my own business the second time (that 401K was nearly wiped out by the stock market of the late 90's before I wisely transferred the remaining investment into treasury bonds rather than mutual funds. Everything the company had matched had been wiped out before I made the transfer of investments.) I have never had a high paying job that allowed me to have any savings other than the 401K so there is no retirement other than s.s. and a meager pension from the same employer as the first 401K. I can claim that one this winter. Younger guys need to realize that what you think is a great plan for the future very well may be nothing, or little of nothing, by the time they reach my age. I am now in preparation to leave the US for Panama, where I CAN survive on my s.s. and pension. Maybe I'll find a nice property there where I could get a group of GLBT's together to build our own retirement community. The current pensionado residency visa program requires a minimum $1000 monthly guaranteed income (social security or other guaranteed pension fund) to qualify. After you receive your visa, you are then entitled to all of the same benefits as their retirees, and YES, we can own with clear title property in Panama. Even tho their currency is the Balboa, the US paper money is their paper money--1 balboa=1 US$. A couple can comfortably live on $1000 a month outside of Panama City, where rent is getting quite high. Market basket for family of 4 in November was just $274. Try supporting 4 people for a month on that anywhere in the US.
Yes, it is time the younger generation of our community stops looking down on us older members, and realize that they too will be in that category all too soon. It is amazing how much hatred the teen/early adulthood gays show toward us older and usually wiser members, even many of them who do go into the "younger for older" chat room. If you are going to go into that room, then show some respect for us older guys. 60's is a far cry from over 100, as some of you accuse us of being.
Guess that is enough ranting on this subject. Just remember that we are all getting older by the minute, not just by years or decades. And catastrophes can change your life very quickly.
Posted by: ganymede | February 24, 2009 at 10:41 AM
As working on my gerontology masters, I'm letting this all sink in!
Posted by: Gene | February 24, 2009 at 10:42 AM
Wow what a sad story my heart gos out to those seniors.
But then I was just called a Libral Bleeding Heart Canadian the other day :)
I am 33 have have a great job and am able to maxx out my RRSP every year.
So hopfully I will not have to worry about when I retire.
But jezz I cant belive some of the unkind almost hate full comments from some of you about seniors.
Remember some day you will be old to.
You may have $$ but with an attitude like that you wont have frinds. There is such a thing as karma you know.
Posted by: Jeff | February 24, 2009 at 01:40 PM
I am 45 years old. I started my gay career very young. Like many in the 70's and early 80's we ranaway from broken homes searching for OZ.
I was 15 when I arrived in San Francisco. I was there when Harvey Milk was shot, I have been marching ever since. Star wars, Anti-Apartied, The Anita Bryant Crisis, Jerry Falwell, Stone Wall vigils from Miami to New york to Washington D.C. and The 80's Gay Cancer, ARC, when all there was ,was AZT and it was so toxic you were always sick trying to stay alive...before they gave it a name...HIV/AIDS
I was very young! I remeber DISCO and Free Love and so much fun!! And I remember death in numbers to many to count.
Where are all those warriors and protesters that were my mentors and idols that taught me to fear nothing and fight!?
It saddens me to see our Gay Rights War Veterans become the invisible minority.
Our Story is every oppressed human beings and countries story. Don't let them be forgotten and let not there death's be in vain.
Clay Burton
We need to take care of them. I hope to here more attention and action for Lesbian/Gay Senoirs.
Please young people...read the stories and history that gives you the freedom to be who are today much more of a reality than in the past.
Learn about the gay death camps of WW2. The Fear. The Hatred and Madness and Terror of being exposed.
Pursecution, Joblessness, Shame and Seperation from normal lives, children and marriage, Homelessness and Family Abandonment for so many not so long ago.
When it wasn't cool or no big deal or even OK to be Gay.
Learn that Lesbians and Gays have been here since the dawn of humanity and embedded deep into World History.
Embrace our diverse culture. The War is far from over. The tables can turn at any moment. Preserve our lifestyle and rights for future generations.
Posted by: Clay Burton | February 24, 2009 at 02:07 PM
Come on Gays.
WE are statistically proven to be for the majority of us, not necessarily more educated but naturally gifted for being smarter.
With the possible exception of self serving and self destructing
Jason Bartlett in here or Jack's inability to read beyond his personal mission to see how the Title misleads the article in which led him to Overlook the obvious big piture.
LOL
BUT LETS SEE THE FOREST FOR THE TREES
Isn't it coincedentially funny that one of the first few comments is so negative or stupid that it seems GAY.COM conveniently puts them there to get the rest of us going. hhmmm ...
Jason could learn a lot from "gany mede" here if he doesn't probably accidently kill himself or someone else for driving around with his head up his ass.
His 401k egotistical education would be useless then & would probably go to better use for whoever wins their suit against him.
I wonder how cheap the retirement home for his parents would be.
It is great to learn from this article that someone cared to do good for someone else, gay or not.
Thanks gay.com for restoring my GAY Pride for today at least.
And it is great to know that some younger men are grown up enough to respect their fellow human beings no matter how old they are.
Keep in mind, whether Gay or straight, that it is all about "The Children"--- Adult Tax $s for public education & Scholarships, etc. & there is no guarantee for not having some misfortune in one's lifetime.
But one thing is for sure, Older People got that way somehow & you just gotta respect their few good words that just may save you or change your course of life for the better.
Whether or not you are waiting your whole life as a follower for Jesus to judge you when you finally are completely grown up do be dead, be someone else's footprints in the sand.
Jesus lives today by this way & this therefore makes heaven a place on earth.
Honoring our Parents, and doing onto other's as they would do upon us..., is just common sense, religious or not.
If not for other's - do it for yourself.
It feels good helping someone else.
Get high on life that way, I don't care how old you are.
Posted by: Splerk | February 24, 2009 at 02:19 PM
Re: Posted by: Jason Bartlett | February 23, 2009 at 11:31 PM
Cool. Don't look for handouts or help or anything from anybody else.
Posted by: HypnoToad72 | February 24, 2009 at 03:29 PM
Gay marriage and this issue is a moot point. The majority of us are not even finding relationships. This is not about coupledom - this is about us as single gay men who need some sense of security or protection as we move into the next stages of our lives. It is pretty much a given that gay society is generally not producing relationships that are making it past 5-10 years. As a community, locally, we need to encourage or at least brainstorm some sort of SRO or efficiency apartments in a building for us. This isn't a case of 'Denver sucks' or 'Minneapolis gay men are assholes' etc - this is just the indifference of a community of men who for years have been told that looking affluent, pretending you are better than other gay people, and putting down anyone who doesn't live up to your standards is the norm. This is why our relationships don't work or in most cases never even happen. We may be getting older, but hardly anyone has progressed emotionally past the age of an 8th grade girl. Those of you reading this have to remember - gay men alive right now who are 20-40 will be the first group of gay men who will grow into their 80s and beyond just like their heterosexual peers without the shellshock of seeing dozens of friends die from AIDS. This whole 'being old by 30-40' is antiquated - that is from the days when yes, many of were dead by that age because of AIDS and how quickly it took our lives away from us and the people we loved. Listen to older men and read your history and understand what that must have been like to see former or current lovers go from healthy, strong, young men to 95 pound, frail and in hospice.
It should be understood by now that nobody - not Obama, not Oprah, not the HRC, nobody is going to take care of gay men as we age. Even other gay men don't give a shit about what happens to us! Look at how we've treated each other through the years and passed on this deadly virus, sometimes knowingly, to each other because we didn't care what happened to this guy whose name we didn't bother to learn because we just wanted to get laid. Attitudes need to change. We only make up 2% of society. We can either get over our hatred of each other and our petty fairy attitudes, stop being little girls, and grow up and figure out how to face our futures. We have to start telling the truth and LIVING the truth. Stop acting like rich people. Stop lying and telling everyone you come from rich families or went to rich people's universities or have high ranking jobs, or social status. Start being yourself. Isn't that what coming out was intended for? That being different is okay, and differences are something to celebrate? My guess is that in the next few decades the only people who will help us is us. We can either continue to further divide this 2% that composes the gay society for whatever reason, or learn to get along with each other without so much malice. We just need an incentive to grow up. With no relationships and no kids, I don't know how you do that for the majority of the community.
Good luck.
Posted by: Jonathan | February 24, 2009 at 03:43 PM
You misunderstand your queer history.
We were kicking ass with civil rights AND working two jobs AND partying!!!
Straight men consistently got the better jobs, unless of course you were in the closet. But even then you had better present a wife at some point.
No dear Jason, we worked, saved money, partyed and made history.
So you made money? Yawn.
Now that we need help we're just going to have to do it ourselves, AGAIN. Well, fine.
We just have to throw another party. A retirement party!
Oh and yes I too was in San Francisco during the time of Harvey Milk. So I do know from whence I came, and came, and came.
I think we need to just takeover some small town. Some cheap rust belt town in Pennsylvania with cheap houses.
Maybe Oil City, They keep inviting artists to move there. Hey, we can do art.
Posted by: queerplanet | February 24, 2009 at 04:35 PM
LOL I just love my age and being Wiser and more Impathetic from wisdom. I don't generally mix in company under 40 unless of course the under 40 is mature and ugh..mature.
yes Made a load of mistakes and I have mad loads of ammends and I have more acceptance and tolorance than ever before.
I know now that my body wasn't made to last forever....last night I went to 18 yrs old, drunk and stoned and woke up 45. Time is fleeting. My concept of Time is so different today. I used to be in a hurry to go no where. Today I see the clouds, the sky, the trees, my friends, I have far far less expectations of anyone or anything. I appreciate breathing and food and bills paid.
I sleep soundly and guilt free. I am productive and give my time.
Age is good, Security should not be an issue for seniors.
The young like to blame us for what we left behind...but what are you leaving behind for the young.
Jason Bratlett..er Jason Bartlett..your not immortal and your funds could collasp with any given war or economic turn.
Come join us in a few years (if you dont get hit by a bus) we'll leave a light on for ya!
Clay Burton
Posted by: Clay Burton | February 24, 2009 at 05:35 PM
I think this is a wonderful program and hope it expands and there are many gay oriented retirement homes. Hopefully I'll get to go to one.
Posted by: Matt | February 24, 2009 at 07:23 PM
I'm 43 and very surprised at Jason Bartlett's comments. At this age you should be well aware that even LGBT people come from a diversity of incomes and like many seniors have pointed out, faced many problems, unexpected or otherwise.
We all have something stashed away and today, we'd like think it's enough. Come next decade, it may be just enough to buy you a cup of coffee and a toast.
So, it's good that there is something being done for our seniors now and who knows ? We may be the ones to benefit from it in the future.
Planning ahead is great, and good for you too, Jason but you don't have to be such a jerk over it!
Posted by: Dan | February 24, 2009 at 07:52 PM
With the new trend in thriftiness and hopefully responsible, means-limited spending amongst all of society's groups, hopefully along comes a new awareness of mistakes made in the past. Financial and other.
Judgement and ridicule further no persons nor any cause. Compassion and understanding go a long way in helping others and one's self.
Personally, I am a saver by nature (in late 20s) and started planning 35-40 years in advance. The global economic meltdown has been discouraging considering that I have planned on the safe side only to have lost significant progess while I look around to excessive, debt-fueled spending. For many it was a mirage. Nonetheless, I've taken the lessons to more prudently manage certain parts of my retirement planning.
HRC or some other non-profit should start a gay retirement community providing a new home to less fortunate gays. This would allow the better off gay community to contribute back into the gay community while receiving tax breaks. Just a thought..
Best of luck.
Posted by: Samuel | February 24, 2009 at 08:40 PM
This is every bit the gay community's own fault. Why? Because EVERYTHING in the lifestyle is geared, aimed, projected, reflected at being young, for and about the younger generation, etc. and so forth. You NEVER see middle aged/elder gays in advertisements, etc. within the community - it's the opposite in the hetero style. It's WORSE in the gay community than in the hetero lifestyle because if you get old on that side of the fence - YOU HAVE MULTIPLE OPTIONS[even if they put you away in assisted living quarters!] - whereas in the gay life - you're stuck ALONE. It doesn't matter that we have 401k's and large sums of $$$ stashed away for later, because when you can no longer take care of yourself, WHO WILL[?] other than all the vultures out there waiting to take advantege of your situation.
Posted by: Mike | February 24, 2009 at 10:39 PM
December 22, 2009 will mark 10 years that a very important friend died. Despite all the economic turmoil we're in now, I will be travelling to England to visit his family plot. He is so important because if it weren't for him I sincerely doubt I would be alive today.
His name was Father Brian Cousins, and I was fortunate to know him for a year before his passing at the age of 62. And for all of you who question his motives, he had a boyfriend! When I first met him I was insecure, had no self esteem, and thanks to my family, I didn't believe I was worth a damn. He took it upon himself to take that messed up teenager, and make him into something better.
I am nothing like that teen now. I hold my head high when I walk down the street. Anyone that passes by and looks at me, I smile and nod, and sometime even say hi (to their surprise...hey it's NYC lol). My friends (both gay AND straight) hold me in the highest regards. They value my opinion, search me out when they need advice, and are actually proud when they have the chance to introduce me to THEIR friends. One of my closest (straight) friends tell people that when she has a party the only time she can let loose is when I'm there, 'cause when she sees me, she knows I'll take care of everything and make sure it runs smoothly. And as for my homophobic family, that kicked me out a few times knowing I had no where to go, and forced me to sleep in the university library...well, I'm the one that pays the bills that keep the house running now!!! How's that for Karma?
I'm not saying all that because I have an ego. Far from it actually. I'm saying it because if it were not for that 62-year-old that our society would just as soon discard, I would not be the person I am today. All the wisdom, the caring, the love, forgiveness...everything good about me is there because Father Brian took the time to nurture and bring out in me. He was the mentor and father figure I wished my own father would be.
To all the seniors that read this: THANK YOU for being there when we needed you!!! Thank you for putting yourselves at risk just so we could have it easier than you did. You all are truly blessings that the younger and more inept generations will hopefully realise before it's too late and they lose out!
For the rest of you: We ALL have the seniors to thank, for a lot more than we readily give them credit for!!! You Teenagers and twenty-somethings that are openly gay and have good jobs, opportunities, even in relationships that don't need to be hidden...you enjoy those things because the generations before you suffered, and found more strength than you will never know, and fought against society and forced change. I'm not saying the fight's over...there are STILL young adults and teenagers being kicked out their homes for being gay/lesbian/trans, and we STILL need to keep fighting for equal rights. But you can't deny that without the previous generations' struggles, we would be FAR worse off than we are today. They should be OUR Honored Elders, whether they are of our blood or not! They should not have to feel shunned by younger generations, ESPECIALLY YOUNGER GAY GENERATIONS!!! If we don't take care of our own, like they did in the past, what kind of future are we going to be creating and leaving for the future generations that have to grow up gay?
A previous post alluded to gay people being inherantly smarter than our straight counterparts. Well it's high time we started using those heads above our shoulders and realise we need to care for eachother, rather than being controlled by the head in our pants and only looking for the next guy to bed and to hell with everyone/everything else!!!
Posted by: Richard1279 | February 25, 2009 at 07:07 AM
Oh baby. I'm 34, and homeless and I already face discimination in the "gay community," if you can call it that. And the kicker is, that guys 40 plus are the worst regarding age discrimination. They won't help you unless you're under 30 and have "something" to offer and I'm not talking about house chores.
Posted by: Eric | February 25, 2009 at 01:36 PM
to eric
tell them you're 28.
Posted by: wallace | February 25, 2009 at 02:37 PM
This article and the replies to this article should be forwarded to every gay man in the world. There are too many adult gay men who still see themselves as boys, act like boys and worst of all, approach life like boys. Too many men in their late 20's and early 30's spend more time in gay personal sites and clubs than they do establishing a career, a future, and a faithful life partner. Too many adult gay men are happy with a $12 an hour job with no benefits and they can't even keep a man for more than 3 months. Then when they get old, they don't even have a man who loves them enough to help them. All their fuck-buddies, friends, and girlfriends they've had over the years don't help them at all. Gay men need to be more accountable for their future.
Posted by: future | February 25, 2009 at 04:24 PM
At a young age, I learned that there are no guarantees in life. In a perfect world, the only reason why anyone would be homeless would be if they were lazy. This is not a perfect world.
Things happen to people beyond their control. Some folks are dealt a shitty hand from the very beginning, others place their bets on a given profession that becomes obsolete years later, sometimes you get robbed for all your worth by a mugger, or you get sick and a doctor robs you, or you get sued and then a lawyer robs you. Alot of people int this world are bottom feeders that prey on the weak and the naive. You can't protect yourself against every invisible microbe wafting through the air, either, no matter how many precautions you take. There are alot more variables in life than the simplistic model alot of you describe life as being.
Let,s cut to the chase here. The reason why people fear social programs is because they don't want to step up tot he plate or be guilted into it. Otherwise, why would you care at all if a group of queers want to pitch in and help out some homeless folks? Is it any skin off your nose?
No, it's not. But you get all freaked out by the paranoia of mission creep. First they're gonna help the homeless, then it'll be sick people, the elderly, and (gasp) they might try to save underprivileged children! Oh, the horror! Those do-gooders! They'll try to help anybody if you let them! The Red Cross, daycare, soup kitchens... it's all a commie plot! If you don't stop us now... you won't be able to victimize the poor anymore! Oh, the horror! (sobs)
Right, now that we've finished with the right wing sideshow, do you mind getting the fuck out of our way? There's hungry people that need feeding, and homeless folks we wanna build a home for. Don't like it? Tough shit.
Posted by: Rain City Blues | February 25, 2009 at 06:11 PM
You are a fool if you are waiting for anyone else to ensure that you are taken care of as you get older. You are a complete fool if you think rights of any type are what is going to do that for you. The whole thing about gay culture being youth oriented and "that is why so few consider old age" is an excuse used by those of the herd waiting for the rancher to come and help them. Man up and quit whining.
Posted by: Stillbetterthanyou | February 25, 2009 at 08:53 PM
Jason Bartlett, I feel sorry for you.
Posted by: Jeff | February 25, 2009 at 09:49 PM
Jason Bartlett, I feel sorry for you.
Posted by: Jeff | February 25, 2009 at 09:49 PM
Are you Gay..Elderly...sad or happy...employed or underemployed...have a home or homeless, in a relationship...single or just happy where you are...by all means: COME TO AUSTIN, TX. We accept Older nonsissies and sissies. It's a wonderful and blessed place to live!!!
Posted by: Joel | February 27, 2009 at 05:01 AM
It is great that Planet out recongizes that even the young buff gays and lesbains are getting older. And still gay.
I am a few months away from 60. Its great. I am a founder of PLOP on the URL above.This group reminds America not just we are getting older-but some of us work for minimum wage.
It is estimated about 70 of all Americans work at less then Livable wage.We can change that by making livable wage, the new poverty line. And bringing wages up to the poverty level.
I want to see poverty end in my life time and by the time a 6 year old,in 2008,graduates highschool. We need more members, ideas, people with media wisdom,web wizards, flyers hungers etc.
Posted by: Jan LightfootLane | February 27, 2009 at 08:37 AM
This article is a reality that sadly, every day, under this downfall economy is getting worse. I'm a 44 yo professional that relocated to San Diego for a job 2 years ago. Had a growing retirement fund (401k), some savings at the bank, bought a small home and had a 6 figure income. Life was great!... A year after arriving got laid-off, and haven't been able to secure a job yet. Believe me, I've tried and have 20 years of experience in my line of work. My retirement savings went out the door with the stock market crash, have used up all of my savings to survive and am in the process of loosing my home. This is happening at my mid 40's and when I thought I had it all figured out!!!
Posted by: Alex | February 27, 2009 at 10:06 AM
ANOTHER OPTION
Many seniors, gay and straight, have opted to retire South of the Border in Mexico. Expenses (especially housing and medical/dental care) are far cheaper. The weather is wonderful. Many incapacitated seniors in my town have been able to hire one or more caretakers to live in their home. At least a half-dozen communities around the country have a vibrant, supportive, American presence: Oaxaca, San Miguel Allende, Lake Champala, Guadalajara, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico City and others. What're you waiting for???
Bruce Stores
Oaxaca City
Posted by: Bruce Stores | February 27, 2009 at 10:28 AM
There is hope for all of us !! There is assisted living in Santa Fe called Rainbow Vision and they are planning on building one in Palm Springs, CA.
Posted by: V | February 27, 2009 at 10:43 AM
My husbear and I have been together now just under 26 years. We have seen a great many changes to society in those years, but one thing that hasn't changed sadly is how the young view and treat the elderly.
As Jason so lovingly put it: "take responsibility for yourselves"
Well that is all well in good and completely assumes that ones lot in life is all a matter of choices...which it is NOT. Many of us are merely victims of circumstance.
My Robert and I have made some bad choices in our past, but as with life we have learned from those mistakes and have tried to improve.
We were just talking yesterday about what we will do when we are both in our 60s,70s and beyond...no children to help care for us, nieces and nephews will be busy with their lives, most of our friends if still in our lives will all be our same age...
No amount of money will insure a life of dignity and respect. It is a very scary prospect this growing older.
I am now 47 and Robert 49, and the clock continues to tick off our life.
I hope with all my heart that more communities designed for elderly Gays spring up...maybe, just maybe there will be a place in one of them for us.
Thank you Gay.com for a wonderful article and for posting the video....
Posted by: BearGardener aka Mark | February 27, 2009 at 11:16 AM