Dating Bradford: Intuition - The Black Box of Dating

“You know how planes have that black box which records all the flight data?” Asked my neighbor Ron over chocolate fondue at his Holiday party last month. “Well, I think you get all the information you need to figure someone out from the first date.”

“But what if you need a few dates for further analysis,” I ventured, “Shouldn’t we give them the tech-serve benefit of the doubt?”

“Sure if you need to, but if you really listen, most of what they are telling you from the get-go is an indication of how the relationship might crash. For instance on our first date, this guy I had a mini-relationship with, told me that when he was straight he got his girlfriend pregnant. She reluctantly got an abortion, and the next day he went to Thailand on vacation by himself. What does that tell you about the guy?”

“That he’s really a closet fag who’s into fucking under age Thai boy prostitutes?” I joked.

“No! That he has intimacy issues and won’t be there for you when you really need him.”

“Oh Ron you think like a girl, all sensitive and shit. Don’t worry, so do I. But if you think like a straight dude you might say to yourself, ‘The chick had the thing done, she seems OK I guess, she’s got some Vicodin, she’ll be fine.’ Not all guys are as sensitive as we’d like them to be.”

“Exactly! And if I had listened better from the start, instead of wanting to fuck his brains out because he was so hot, I would have known then that he was the insensitive prick he turned out to be. One year later we broke up over similar issues.”

“You had an abortion?”

“Very funny.”

“Well, I don’t agree with you Ron” I said, “You think it’s all about listening to what they say. That’s understandable, many people need back-up data to help make sense of how they feel about something, but that's only part of it. Maybe it’s my earthy-crunchy-Californian upbringing, but I prefer to listen not just with my ears, but with my intuition.”

“Sometimes it’s tricky because we might have fun together, great sex, a lot in common, and all the makings of compatibility, but in my gut there’s a nagging feeling that he isn’t right for me. Eventually I have to give in and find the nearest exit. Intuition is MY black box of dating.”

Trusting you instinct is not easy. It might be the quietest little voice whispering, “he smells wrong,” “tastes funny,” or, “don’t trust him.” But there’s a louder voice shouting, “Look how hot he is in that tight T-shirt.” Often it’s this louder voice we heed while trying to bury that squeaking little bitch who’s bugging us with our visceral feelings instead of facts. “Take THAT!” You say, drowning her in Pepto Bismal to counteract the queasiness as you get ready for a hot date with a soon-to-be Ex.

Fortunately, our ungrounded feelings are all intuitively stored in our little black boxes. Locked securely away to open upon impact of breakup when we need to make sense of the crash. But why do we wait to listen to our flight recorders?

Once I stopped seeing a guy because he was holding back in his kiss. At the time I thought I was being overly picky and that maybe he was just a bad kisser, but it went deeper than that. I sent him an email asking him why he didn’t like to kiss. He explained that he did, but that he has some intimacy issues that he was trying to work through. Then I started putting together other clues from my flight recorder -like the fact he was 39 and never had a boyfriend over a year - and found that there was a lot more than just his kissing that needed to be addressed. My intuition told me that I didn’t need to go through his dirty laundry looking for skid marks to know the guy was full of shit. So I walked.

Sure it’s painful when you fall in “like” with someone and feel like it has to end based on something as elusive as instinct. You think, “Am I really shallow and unrealistic to expect that the right guy will come along someday and it will just magically feel right?”

So I keep dating, throwing back the fish that don’t measure up to an internal barometer I can’t be sure exists, wondering if I’m being too persnickety and hard to please. On top of that I have millions of fags on Gay.com posting comments on my articles, at times calling me a shallow, stereotypical serial dater - and other such pleasantries – And I constantly question whether they are right or not. I certainly have no concrete evidence to the contrary, only these pestering “feelings” that I let control my decision making.

Thinking back on my four longish relationships that I seemed to fall into, they all felt right at the time. I never questioned why I wanted to be with them, I just followed my intuition. What’s changed is that now I’m older, perhaps a little more jaded - okay certainly more jaded,  and know what I DON’T want because I dwell on this shit way too much in my weekly writings. Plus I live in a city full of people with long lists of criteria and deal breakers and it's become "normal" that relationships don't work out.

So - like the fish that I throw back - I flounder on my feelings, wondering if Prince Charming still exists and if Barney's is having a sale on glass slippers any time soon. 

Am I living in a pipedream? You tell me.

So I ask you; When trusting your gut keeps you in a rut, how much intuition makes your final cut?

(Photo: JR Delia)

---

Based in New York City, Bradford Noble has been an international celebrity, fashion, and advertising photographer for 15 years. His first novel called, “Dating Bradford - A Memoir” is soon to be published. Still curious? Dive into his world!

Comments

[Wyatt1969again]

You smokin little prize you...

This appears to be another case of "The fix the fit and the fiddle".

A placation?

Perhaps.

I can't believe a precise individual such as yourself could ever flounder!

The fiddle plays on as long as you let it. There can be no "perfect" but you know this. So what is it which keeps you from taking that big ol' step?

No sale can accomplish this task.

Your curse, I think, is fear of compromise.

Curious.

The fit presents itself time and time again. But dont let this hang you on a line all by yourself. You clever flower you. To make matters worse you can only be one half of the solution and like it or not - the other may be enough like you to break the deal.

And so...the fix!

Honesty

Sacrifice

and...

Chance

Chance will bring you back to the well over and over and over and it will also scare the hell out of you if you let it.

Really Bradley - if the pot calls the kettle black to keep it company - where will the tea come from?

Hmmm?

Silly Boy.

There is only one thing which can beat the black box.

Love.

[Ryc]

Anybody you can read so cleverly on the first date must be pretty shallow....so why date at all? Meet, fuck and go home...lament about it later. Jaded? I'd say it goes beyond that..sounds more like a rut.

[Allan]

I pretty much agree with the article. Especially the falling into "like" with someone. Love (true love that is) is hard to find. Instincts typically don't lie and leave you with a gut reaction. There is no overall perfect but the is a perfect fit for everyone. These people eventually gravitate toward each other.

[Steve610]

And sometimes that nagging little bitch of a voice is just you projecting your own dislikes and insecurities of yourself onto others as rationalization about why not to collect more data and make an educated decision....

[michael]

It worked for me we been together now for 10 years, the funny thing is we both share the same last name, along with him having his oldest brother my first name.
All my family and friedns are crzy about him.

[Helping Bradford]

Hey Bradford,

I think you should have a list of criteria! Just make sure those criteria help you find Mr. Right. I think many people use criteria as a way of avoiding meaningful relationships instead of avoiding meaningless relationships.
You're given a sense of logic (like the dirty underwear guy) to know that something won't work without extreme digging.
But you're also given feelings to know if it WILL work.
Every serious relationship I've had FIRST felt right. SECOND I did my due diligence.
I use both my head and my heart. But FIRST my heart. After that, I distance myself emotionally so that I can use my head.
I think this is where you get stuck.
Instead of using your HEAD first and your HEART second. Trust your feelings THEN let the practical part of your mind go to work.
The real question is "How do you distance yourself once you fall in like?"

[Tim]

If you can "read" everything about a person on the first date, then you might want to ask yourself why you bother with the second. When and if you ever find that one person that's right for you, or dare I suggest "perfect"... wheres the excitement? The truth is there is no perfect, and when we pick all candidates apart piece by piece we'll all discover a number of reasons for it not to work out. The trick is finding the person to which you booth play off each other. A ying to your yang if you will of personality's. If there's nothing for you to work on with each other then what is there to keep you interested in the relationship. To pit it simple... Without the bad how can we appreciate the good?

[Jack]

Blah blah blah more gay.com blather. Typical Obama voters.

[bloom]

first date you get most of the information you need from the person you are with, his behavior, what he talks about, how he reacts, his way of interacting with you.
absolutely first dates are a dead give away about what you might expect to happen. now taking advantage and being carefull is one thing , and letting yourself go knowing you got the hints is another....

[greggy]

I see so many guys put the cart before the horse in their despiration to be w/someone. There are so many myths about the 'happily ever after' crap, and it seems a good number of my friends fall for it. I did for a while in my teens and twenties, but I was fortunate to be around alot of couples (yes gay) who had been together for ten to (in one case) thirty years. Not one was perfect, but they were constantly working it out. I realized I wasn't ready to work that hard, and wasn't interested in a marriage/relationship then. Therapy (for other areas) helped me realize what I was willing to put up with in another as well as what I wanted out of a marriage. It also helped me to measure potential partners intentions AND abilities to put up w/me. I don't stress about meeting the right guy any more; or have a list of standards that includes anything physical for a potential partner. I found a list of looks and fashion (ETC) was the kiss of death, for me. Chemistry is a funny thing, I don't ignore it even if the guy meets few of my former 'standards'. I try and offer the same advice to my friends when I hear the dating laments. Sometimes it works.

[Sargon Bighorn]

" Love (true love that is) is hard to find." There in lays the root of the challenge for Gay Men. Love is a "doing" not a "something" to be found.

Gay men look at a handsome man and conclude (ERROR) that he must be good, noble, just, honest, all the positives we want because he has the physical features we and others lust after.

The first commenter made a profound observation "Fear of compromise". One date provides little information about a person.

Let's face it guys, it's about looks. If he does not turn your crank on the first date, there will be no second date. Only liars argue otherwise.

[Keyuntou]

The bottom line is that you shouldn't compromise your view for someone else. If you're on a date with someone who says they don't want children, don't want a monogamous relationship and smoke even though you are the polar opposite, you should get up, respectfully thank him for his time and walk away. You should build up a relationship but there are basic ground rules to abide by. If you are disgusted by cheaters do not sit there and pretend that it doesn't bother you that this person has a history of promiscuous behavior.

It's time to respect ones self. The first date will instinctively tell you wether or not this person is right for you in the long run and not just for a temporary fix.

Common guys! Let's grow up and learn to love.

Keyuntou

[splerk]

Intuition is everything, but you got to trust it.
If ya don't trust yourself... who then will trust you.
You can not blame the city you live in or go by People's long lists of criteria and deal breakers.
That makes you a follower.
Start being your own leader by finding yourself & accept yourself first before dragging someone down with you & blaming them for it.
Accept responsibility of yourself.
You've already been in a few relationships, Bradford
Instead of looking back on how they failed you, try looking back & learning from your mistakes as well.
Accept it as a learning step for what is truly right for you for the next one.
Shit happens for a reason, so accept that then move on with a clean slate for your next victim.
Compromise is everything too, but start compromising with yourself first.
What do you think your Deal Breaker would be?
There is Perfection out there for each of us, why sell ourselves short.

[nutloaf]

I'm afraid I tend to pull out the microscope pretty early on and holler, "AHA!" a great deal, which I know can be unfair. Yet I also know that it's those same seemingly trivial things my inner voice seizes on which ultimately can end up being huge hurdles, sometimes insurmountable. First (or second or third) impressions are often flawed so I do take this into consideration as well, and there's no reliable score card where relationships are concerned. Each is unique. If I were to turn tail and run any time some disquieting aspect of another person surfaces, well, I'd be running a lot. It's a matter of deciding what you can live with and what you can't. For instance, I'm willing to accept, and sometimes even to embrace, traits in friends that I could never deal with in a million years in a romantic interest. I disagree with Splerk that there is perfection out there for each of us. This is an imperfect universe and to expect to find that "Perfect Fit" seems to me to be an exercise in futility. I tend instead to seek a "Comfortable Fit." If there's no comfort there, look elsewhere.

[muzyqman]

I don't believe anyone can tell after the first date that "he's the one." However, I DO believe that I can tell before the first date is over that he is NOT the one!

[Robert]

Lists, standards, requirements, stats, status... When was it exactly that we as a culture started measuring ourselves by all that doesn't matter instead of what does. I think Bradfords friend is right in some respects and not so much in others.

What we havent done here is take the responsibility for our actions, behavior and roles in our failed relationships. We have to stop dismissing people because there is an item on our "perfect guy" List that we can't check off.

More over, what we need to do is what Bradford's friend does do. And that's listen. Listen not only to your date, but to yourself as well. I tend to believe that the universe will answer any question or even offer advice or direction if we would only listen.

I can relate a very recent experience of my own. I met a guy just before leaving for Europe for 2 weeks. WOW was all I could think about the guy. We stayed in touch while I was away and he was even at the airport when I got back. Kind of romantic huh.

Everything about us synched. We danced well together you could say. His eye's told me that I was seeing the same in him that I was feeling.

As a modus of mine, you treat me poorly once your history. And unfortunately, this guy did, treat me poorly. And even though I walked away and he thinks he walked a way, we are both standing on opposite corners trying not to look back at the other.

My gut or intuition is telling me he's the one I've been waiting for. But my pride, and my lists and my "expectations" are all telling me different...

Bottom line is you can't assume that only one source of feedback/information is the one that you should let guide you. You have to listen to all of them and use the intelligence of not just your brain but your heart as well...

We dismiss each other far too easily. It's about damn time that we remember that we are all human beings and not commodities to be traded off when the market slips a little in the wrong direction.

Robert

[countryboyagain]

I just started seeing someone and I have used my gut feeling on all my dates. I guess he could be the one becouse when i'm in his arms I feel safe and like I belong there. We both want to take it slow , meaning like I'm not one to move in with a guy two weeks into dating . I never compare him to past relationships, It takes too long ..LOL..Again Thanks for the artical I enjoyed it...Carl

[Wyatt1969again]

Well Robert...

I think you should get a hold of Mr. WOW - and give it another try.

Good luck to you,

Wyatt

[sneezyzebras]

I think it seems awfully immature and shallow to judge how a relationship will turn out on the first date based on how you compare a guy's past relationships to your own. There are many different levels of listening, what the author of this article is doing is "listening, as it applies to me." The lowest form of listening is absentmindedness, next up, is hearing without reflecting (not thinking about what the other person is saying and showing few signs of understanding, giving no feedback), next is listening to participate (so you can tell your own story), next, listening as it applies to "me," which *is* a higher form of listening but unfortunately it is *not* the highest form, listening for understanding (to understand the story from the story teller's point of view, not your own, and without passing judgement on that person). The point I'm trying to make is that it is impossible to understand another person if you pass any kind of judgement or evaluation on them. It is incredibly difficult to live with another person in a relationship, gay or straight, but it doesn't have to feel that way. Relationships can be very fulfilling and I think it is a matter of learning how to communicate with your partner. It's different for everyone. I'm sad and disappointed to see this article on one of the most popular gay websites in the world. To me, this mindset about first dates is a perpetuation of the self-fulfilling prophecy that gay relationships never last, that gay men change sex partners faster than they change their underwear. How can you ever expect to build a relationship with anyone if you evaluate them from the get go? It's *hard* to let someone in, and to accept them for who they are when they aren't as 'sensitive' or as 'mindful' as you *want* them to be. But again I feel the problem is that there are no two people who are just MADE for each other on the face of the planet. That's like saying dogs and cats were put here by God for our entertainment. They're living creatures. So are humans. There is no perfect match for you out there! You have to work for it, and don't give up right away when everything doesn't go YOUR way!

[Michael]

The idea that I really wanted to express is that you must first be, at least marginally, happy with who and what you are before you can bring someone else on board. As gay men, at least where I come from, you are taught to subvert the feelings that you have and deny them for as long as you can, hiding your true self from everyone around you and feeling ashamed that you are what you are. We must become whole individuals, not seeking a relationship because we feel empty or a nagging desire to be "completed," we have to find happiness outside the context of a relationship to create stability in our lives. That's why when relationships fail people again feel empty and seek a new beau. Find something inside or outside of yourself that brings you peace, joy, serenity and/or stability. Allow yourself to be happy with you and then set out to find someone.

[bhcountryboy]

I am not expert on relationship but I do know for myself...I am picky after two abusive relationships. If I would have paid attention to my gut I could have avoided those relastionships but I am not bitter, they were learning lesson's. I believe there is more than one person out there for me, which can make it difficult to choice, though at this point and time its difficult to find someone because I live in a very rual area in Wyoming and love it. So time will tell even though I am not gettin any younger....oh jezz the other day was my birthday and I am very content with my age and were things are at. My comment makes sense to me but it may not to you and thats ok. Have a great day.

[corrective_unconscious]

Having this person write on relationship issues is like having Charles Manson write on how to impress a parole board. It's magnificently funny. Please keep this satiric column!

[Dan]

I would contend that even before the date begins people have decided how much effort to put into the date. If the spark does not happen when they first lay eyes on you, they have already written you off.

[Jonathan]

It really depends! How long has the guy been out? Usually if it's his first gay relationship he is not thinking clearly at all, and trying to catch up on the 10-15 years he lost while trying to figure out who he is. In this case, most of us know this is not going to last long but many get swept up because we, too, have waited a long time just to meet someone.

Also keep in mind that many gay guys are terrific actors (mostly because many had to play different roles for mere survival back in the day) but unfortunately that doesn't just go away after coming out...they just become better at lying, withholding, juggling different guys, etc., and you have to be good at spotting this and keeping track of what they're saying. Guaranteed - most people can only keep lies going for about six weeks before they slip up. If the guy seems to be really honest about who he is and what he wants, you won't have to keep doubting it - it will be there.

Because there are so few gay men with their shit together and so few who have grown up to become emotionally adult men who can date, the pickings are extremely slim no matter what city you choose to live in. So in some cases it is important to really sit down and decide what's important and what's unrealistic given these numbers alone. I know, with two guys it is tough because you can not create chemistry where there is none, and the only consolation for a lot of us is that we aren't alone in our situations - a lot of us want this relationship or date to be successful, but even with the small number of available, healthy guys, a relationship has so many facets involved to be one that's going to last.

[tyler]

Been "out" for 30 yrs and have seen or heard it all. My test? Fags will usually "show their ass" within the first 2 weeks!
If there still on their good behavior after that....then I take a guy more seriously. I do not ever chase a guy. And I have a mind/memory like an elephant....I remember! I have also learned that guys my age group LOVE to be abused!
If you show them too much caring, kindness, consideration they get BORED! Keep em guessing and they are intriqued and keep coming back for more.
And remember....GAY MEN THINK WITH THEIR DICKS/NICE BODIES FIRST AND FOREMOST! Secondary is a nice big thick CHECKBOOK!
I am a respectful, responsible reliable hardworking man who has NEVER cheated on my partners EVER! I was nurturing, faithful to all of my bf's. But it was never enough! They all wanted to fuck around, drink and do drugs or just screw every guy that breathed. I have been treated terrible by 90% of gay men in general.
The one major lesson I have learned through all of this? I love and RESPECT myself FIRST! My last bf said my standards were too high. I said my standards were NO DIFFERENT then his parents or mine! He shut his mouth and left the room. We broke up in 2000 and he would swim the Atlantic Ocean to have me back as his partner. NO FUCKING CHANCE.
Smack me once shame on you...smack me twice shame on me.
Self respect guys....and self love...that's the true lesson in all of this chaos!
And for the record...I am hiv positve..from a cheating bf. I caught the CLAP from a cheating bf. I have caught crabs numerous times...from cheating asshole fags! Am I biter...no. Pissed off? yes. For those of you who want to dispute me....walk a mile in my shoes before you judge. Also I live in Lancaster
County, Penna. Every fag here cheats! I have been asked numerous times by other gay men in surrounding areas as to why gay guys here are so rude, mean, obnoxious and etc. But in SC, FLA, NV, HI fags are still the same....fags! I have been single for 8+ yrs...and I have more inner peace and contentment then ever before in my life. Why? Because I refuse to lower my standards and put up w/ BS.

[Fenrisulfr]

This reminds me of my most recent ex. When I met him, all the bells started ringing. At first I really didn't take much notice of him, but as the night dragged on, I really found him to be interesting, we shared a lot in common, he was charming in a dorky kinda way, and by the time I left, I was sneaking my number into his bathroom so my friends wouldn't catch on.

We talked for weeks on the phone, text messages, hanging out. We really hit it off great. It wasn't until almost 2 months into the relationship that the red flags started popping up. Another 4 and we were no more. I cite instances to people of how much he did a 180. I often think to myself that perhaps it takes two to tango and maybe I changed as well. *shrug* It's hard to say, but I've learned a lot about him since the breakup and he was most definitely hiding a lot from me.

How can you tell on the first date that someone who seems very open about their past, about who they are, sharing a great many things with you is really hiding deep and deal-breaking secrets? It took me 2 months even to question that he wasn't exactly what he appeared, and I'm usually quite good at reading people. Some people are good liars, so I totally don't agree with the "first date is all you need" mentality of your friend, Bradley.

I don't think you're shallow. I think you, like myself, are a hopeless romantic, searching for someone who meets a few very-hard-to-find-these-days criteria, and would very much be willing to compromise on many things once those criteria were met in someone. Hell, I compromised on a great many things for the only guy I can truly say met the really important stuff I was looking for at that time.

The lists evolve as you grow older and learn more of what to watch out for I suppose. But I don't think it's a pipedream. There are wonderful people out there, they're just needles in the haystack.

[Garrett]

It's hard to believe that this article was even allowed on gay.com. How did this slip through the cracks? And is this guy on the payroll?

[corrective_unconscious]

>And for the record...I am hiv positve..from a cheating bf.

Unfortunately, that particular occurrence is not just about the other guy. It takes two to forgo condoms.

[pozmark]

I have experienced that little voice on numerous occasions and when I have followed its advice, I have usually been right. On the other hand when I have ignored that voice whether on purpose or not, I have ALWAYS found out why it was not a match made in heaven - and some were downright hellacious. So... as for me I will continue to 'listen' as best I can because the voice keeps me out of those troublesome situations that I always regret afterwards.

Thanks for writing this column, it was an affirmation for me to keep on listening!

Mark

[Jacob]

TYLER IN LANCASTER.

I have been out for about 15 years.

Same shit!

I agree with you. But aren't you the whinny little... what do they call it..oh bitter or jaded.

Fuck that. Your right fags act the same.

You are at least hope that some can be faithful.

I think what's telling, to go after the kind ones who seem boring!

Love you man..hang in there... you even made me laugh!!

Jacob.

PS. I actully kinda caught on to this when I was 24 ish so I guess being 38 isn't a requirement.

[Wil Lavender]

I have to agree, first impressions--but then lets be honest. Everything can not be confirmed in the first date. You may be nervous and they might be as well. I think that a first date lays the foundation. Never the subject or the conclusion is written in stone. You rush things and then you will have a bad date. Take time and read or look deeper then you might find the one. Everyone and everything has a story.

[Sean]

So true. Potential BF's on the first date always put on their best game face so if I get a big red flag I run. OK maybe I sleep with them first if they are hot .... but then I run!

[Todd]

As I get older there are more and more things I have already decided to tolerate (or not). I like to think I view each relationship as an exploration into tolerance but sometimes the gut says 'do you really want to put up with this for the next 5, 10, or 20 years?' At that point, if it is a 'yes' then it is a non-issue. 'Maybe', explore a bit more. 'No', well then RUN!

[marvelous marin]

Having known Bradford for more years than either of us would like to admit and being a mature hetero female married for 20 years 2 times, I believe that most of us go for the lust first, the like second, and then instinct kicks in. Is this going any further? Is it love? Will it be long term? But sometimes instinct tells us it won't go past lust. So enjoy and keep looking.

[Squawk]

If Charles Manson impressing a parole board sounds anything like this column, WHY IS HE NOT ON REALITY TV YET?

CLUCK this shit is funny. And clever. And insightful. Rock on.

[corrective_unconscious]

>If Charles Manson impressing a parole board sounds anything like this column, WHY IS HE NOT ON REALITY TV YET?

He is quite often. MSNBC, for example, has these prison reality shows/documentaries, (the purported Justice system as entertainment,) which run and re run and re run at odd hours. Not that I would know about that!

[John Zane]

You have the coolest conversations, makes me wish I were there. Here's my take on intuition: it's like knowing where to go fishing, and who to take with you. Some guys hate fishing because they're afraid of not catching a fish. Then, when they do, they're all excited, until they see how small the fry is.

"Throw him back," I say, "Let the fella grow up, maybe you'll think better of him if takes the bait again."

Some guys go on and on about "the One that Got Away", and then there are my favorites, the guys who keep their catch on ice, only to bring them out for show.

[L]

Dude, please shave off that ugly shit streak from your face. The whole "I'm cool because I have really long sideburns" thing just does not work.

[siz'l]

oh, bradford... i adore you, always have and always will- just as you are...don't ever change!
if they knew you half as well as i know you they all would love you too...
--enough about them...so what was it MY big anglo-sax box that drove you away??
still waiting for prince albert in a can?

[Abe]

The danger with using your gut is making sure your head is interpreting the signals correctly.

I just recently had someone I thought was going to be the ONE break things off because he had a gut feeling that I was doing things outside our relationship. His gut told him this, and instead of using his head to research the feelings, he decided it was better to secretly go thru my stuff and see what he could find. Needless to say that was the end of that.

I dont question his gut feeling. I'm sure there were things that caused him to feel the way he did, but I definately had/have issue with the result. A simple conversation would have cleared the air, and been more conducive to the type of relationship we were both looking for "allegedly".

So what is my point? Let your gut guide you, but don't ever hand over the wheel.

[Bart Dickey]

Single, 5/15/08:hiv-, 225 lbs, 6'1" inches tall, 7" inches long, bottom, I'm lonely, BUT, very careful(comdom), good looking, brown hair, brown eyes, Spokane, WA,

[Bart Dickey]

Hi. e-mail at: bart.dickey@yahoo.com

[Bart Dickey]

Hi. e-mail at: bart.dickey@yahoo.com