HIV Stigma Still Prevails. What Are You Doing To Stop It?

Today, December 1, is World AIDS Day. It’s funny how AIDS swings in and out of the news cycles, and not just the mainstream media news cycles. The LGBT media, and the LGBT community as a whole, swings its attention in and out of the issues around HIV/AIDS as well.  That’s natural: there’s a lot more to life for LGBT people than just HIV/AIDS. As a person living with AIDS, I spend a lot more time in my life thinking about sports than I do about AIDS.

But, here, on World AIDS Day, it’s a good time to take a barometric read on HIV/AIDS and the LGBT community.  When we do, we find that there remains a hell of a lot of stigma towards people with the disease even now, in 2008.

There’s an interesting group out of Ontario, Canada, called “Ontario’s Gay Men’s Health Alliance”, and they have launched the “HIV Stigma Campaign” in Ontario.  The campaign seeks to address the multitude of social, inter-relational, health and safety challenges created by biased attitudes, behaviors and stereotypes against gay men with HIV.”

Through a campaign of public advertising and community awareness, the group is drawing attention to the ever-present existence of fear and stigma attached to HIV/AIDS, even within the LGBT community.  Moreover, as a group committed to gay men’s health, the campaign implicitly seeks to make a real difference in the spread and treatment of HIV/AIDS.  Stigma and fear remain horrendous obstacles in fighting the disease.  If you don’t talk about it, you can’t learn about it.  If you are positive and scared to talk about it, you won’t seek help, may not inform partners, on and on. 

As a person living with AIDS, I have always been completely open about my status.  But I have a very strong support group around me and live in a rather open-minded community.  Unfortunately, so many other LGBT people with HIV/AIDS do not. 

The work being done by the Ontario’s Gay Men’s Health Alliance is important, and on this World AIDS Day, perhaps it’s a nudge to remind us to think about how our local communities do – and do not – accept and address HIV/AIDS.  And that starts with sharing.  Share with us what you’ve experienced in your community? 

What are you doing to break the stigma of HIV/AIDS in your community?

(Photo: Getty Images)

Comments

[Sargon Bighorn]

Stigma what Stigma? You don't mean the, "I don't want to have sex with you because you have AIDS!" thing. That's called rejection, I get it too, for a different reason, I don't call it a Stigma. You have one more reason to be rejected now, but I'm sure the man rejecting you could have found SOMETHING with out your HIV+ status.

[Jeff]

I live in a really conservative part of Michigan. I have chosen to be open about my HIV status. True there are times when I encounter ignorance. I chose to use those moments as "teachable moments" and try to educate the ignorant.

I spent the first 6 years of my walk with HIV single so I've had a lot of experience with the rejection associated with telling my partners about my status. I share my status with my sex partners, and when I experience rejection I try to educate the person about safe sex.

I'm lucky enough to have found someone special who I've fallen in love with. He tries to understand my disease and is as supportive as he can be.

True the stigma is still there, but only with education and patience will we be able to change that.

[Woof]

I've been hiv+ for 12 yrs. in the midwest. Through experience I've come to the conclusion that 99% of gay men won't have sex with hiv+ guys, even if your totally fucking HOT.

I've resorted to going to bath houses and bookstores and just sucking cock with out disclosing.

[Jay]

I've looked at the website and materials for the Ontario Stigma Campaign. It is largely about HIV+ guys complaining that potential sex partners reject their sexual advances.

If negative guys don't want to have sex with them, why don't they seek out other HIV+ patners... then there will be no stigma. It think it would be a good way to contain the spread of HIV, which would be a great thing.

I personally might date someone if they had HIV, but obviously any sexual contact would have to be perfectly safe. And I believe that random hookups can be very risky... you don't know what the other guy has... and can you trust him to be safe? Also, many guys lie about their status, and lie about whether they got tested, and lie about whether they practise safe sex regularly.

[jordan]

It's understandable that someone who does not have HIV would not want to have sex with a partner of HIV + status. In this particular context that seems to be of major concern, there is not always a guarantee of "perfectly safe" sex. While we all know about *safer* sex practices, I personally would not want to be in a relationship with someone carrying a disease which, if I contracted, would be with me for the entirety of my life.

Hate to quote Queer As Folk - I know it's not the nice or politically correct thing to do, but I would have serious reservations. Sure, this may contribute to people hiding their HIV status. This, however, is not an excuse as HIV/AIDS is still a costly, life long, and potentially life shortening disease. I support my HIV+ fellow gay males, and believe discrimination in work, friendship, or family is unwarranted and unfortunate. But the discourse of HIV+ men not finding willing sexual partners is tiring - although unfortunate.

[Gary]

The media doesn't cover AIDS that much any more because it is not issue du jour.

News has to be fun and exciting and ever changing. Unless there is a new spin on the topic the media doesn't bother simply because the public has seen and heard it before.

[rupertwannabe]

This just makes me sick. Everyone here whines about how there are never any serious articles on gay.com. Now heres a decent one and you're responding with petty comments!
Yes, stigma is, in part, an issue of finding sexual partners. But it's so much more. The crap i get from members of my own community seemed unbelievable, until i read this. The things people will say when they can hide behind the internet!
Seeking out poz partners does not exepmt us from stigma, because there are still people out there who have silly predjudices based on my status.
I see positive members of the community being treated like dirt due to their status on a regular basis, and all we can comment is this silliness? Come on!

[CJ]

As a gay male currently living with HIV, I'm really taken aback by some of the comments from members of my own community. The biggest thing that bothers me about discussing my status with people is that almost invariably, I will be asked the question.."Do you know how you got it or who gave it to you?" This question serves only one purpose and that is to help the person asking it decide, based on my answer, whether I deserve to have this disease or not. No one deserves this disease, and regardless of what any of you think, it can happen to any one of you no matter how safe you think you're being. YES you too could easily become what you have mocked. Then what will you do? Will you expect others to treat you with kindness and caring? Or will you embrace the nasty comments and insults from the ones who have dodged the bullet FOR NOW, when they say you deserve it, that you were stupid, and should just go away and die already? When HIV or any other disease or tragedy wreaks its havoc on your life don't look to me for a shoulder to cry on and don't even think of asking for meds or anything. Just go away and die! All you smokers should just go away and die because you deserve the lung cancer and the breathing problems you either have or will develop. All you drinkers should just go away and die because you deserve the dead livers you have or will get. ALL you diabetics should just go away and die because you brought your illness on yourselves buy eating the way you do and not exercising. All you fat people should just go away and die because you deserve all the health problems you face too. In fact anyone who's ever had a health problem or fell victim to a disaster should just go away and die because chances are you did something to invite the tragedy into your life, whether it was choosing to live in an area that is known to have hurricanes or living too close to power lines or eating breakfast at McDonald's every morning. It's all your own fault and will get no sympathy from the self-righteous gays who think they have it all together. We shouldn't even need to have this discussion.

[Sean Egan]

In response to the first comment which reads:

"Stigma what Stigma? You don't mean the, "I don't want to have sex with you because you have AIDS!" thing. That's called rejection, I get it too, for a different reason, I don't call it a Stigma. You have one more reason to be rejected now, but I'm sure the man rejecting you could have found SOMETHING with out your HIV+ status."

Dude, this rejection has so much more to do with the self respect a negative man has for himself than with you. Don't get down on yourself for it.

What's important is to focus on the real stigma. You make it sound like there isn't any, apart from your experiences of rejection. Negative men have every right to reject you without feeling bad about it. Negative people don't have any right, however, to treat you differently in regards to anything which is absent of the risk of contracting HIV from you.

I really hope you aren't trying to down play the importance of true stigma related to HIV and instead make people feel sorry for you.

If you did that, it would be very self centered and would only promote the idea that American men with HIV really don't care about anyone else but themselves... which is a stigma I don't want to believe.

[Sean Egan]

And in regards to the one who calls himself "woof", who stated:

"

I've been hiv+ for 12 yrs. in the midwest. Through experience I've come to the conclusion that 99% of gay men won't have sex with hiv+ guys, even if your totally fucking HOT.

I've resorted to going to bath houses and bookstores and just sucking cock with out disclosing."

Absolutely disgusting. You are a horrible person. You are the reason there is no cure for this. You are the reason this disease continues to spread. You are a lying, manipulative, awful animal. You should be castrated.

Like I said. Being rejected because of your status is good. It means that men are starting to respect themselves. You are a worthless piece of humanity; complete genetic debris.

[Cris]

I found the best way to make the stigma go away is to remind people that those test they take to show a negative status is a waste of time. Most likely that person is already positive its just that their body isn't creating anti-bodies or may never create anti-bodies and they wont ever find out until they die. The best way is have that crisis hit home where is actual counts and puts them in the same position a poz person is in. Other then that these pompous little drama queens will continue to treat poz people like trash and keep the stigma alive. If people realize that the problem is them there wont be anymore stigma there would be a lot of dizzy queens living in constant fear looking for acceptance much like they do now

[Jack]

This article gives no examples of the "stigma."

[Roger]

Yes, the campaign here in Toronto seems to focus on HIV+ men complaining that HIV- men won't have sex with them. I am not comfortable with this campaign, but I think that is one of it's goals. I think that is a personal choice and no one - or + should have to have sex with someone that they don't want to have sex with. Call it stigma, call it discrimination, but it's a personal choice that should be a human right. I try not to let someone's HIV status influence me as to having sex with them but I must admit that it does come into the picture. I often find myself not pursuing a man if I find out he is HIV+ as much as I would if I knew he was HIV-. When I do have sex I always assume the guy is + no matter what he does or does not declare to me.

We do need to fight HIV 'stigma' or 'discrimination' as to the HIV+ person's human rights (housing, employment, services, etc.).

[Todd]

I've been HIV+ for 15 years in the midwest. It's tough, because first I had to come out as gay, but then my own community judges and snubs me because of my status. People can be cruel, and gay people even more so. I don't blame the guy who goes to bookstores and "sucks cock without disclosing", I blame society.

[Jason Oliver]

www.hivstigma.com

Thank you to the writers at gay.com for highlighting the stigma that continues to be ever present in our community, as we pause to reflect on World AIDS Day.

The HIV stigma campaign developed by Ontario's Gay Men's Sexual Health Alliance (GMSH) remains an online community forum for both HIV NEGATIVE and HIV POSITIVE gay men.

We encourage all gay men to visit www.hivstigma.com to continue some of the great discussions happening here.

Jason Oliver
Communications and Social Marketing Coordinator
Ontario AIDS Network
Gay Men's Sexual Health Alliance

[Rich]

My partner and I have been together for 15+ years. About 2 months ago, he tested positive. I immediately was tested and am still negative at this point. As we all know, I will need to test again in 6 months to be sure. He is struggling with the stigma of being positive. And here is the really amazing part. When I tell people that I am staying with him, and have no intentions of going anywhere, there are totally surprised. At that point, I am offended. I look at it this way: my partner has a disease. I find it no different than the cancer that I was stricken with 4 years ago. He stood by me, and I will continue to stand by him. I will continue to have sex with him. The only thing that will change now, is that condoms will be used all the time.
Another point, is even though my partner's preliminary CD4 counts were extremly low, our doctor has never used the word AIDS. He has continuely said HIV. I find that very interesting. It makes me think that because society links "AIDS" with pending death, and HIV as a disease, that saying a patient has HIV is more acceptable. However you define it, this is a very managable disease now.
We need to quit being ashamed of having HIV. How many cancer patients shy away from saying that they have or have had cancer? Very few. Yet, almost EVERYONE that has HIV is afraid of admitting it. It is when we accept this disease as a part of our lives, that the rest of the world will accept it as well.

[Mike]

all I know is that I can't give blood or donate my organs...SIMPLY... because I've had sex with another man, within 5 years... they don't care if I was safe and tested....

Go Canada...

[queerplanet]

Aim for the chin.

[Andrew]

How about stop getting fucking AIDS? My bf has AIDS, I don't care about that. How about you self-hating, drugging, drunk, hedonistic mother fuckers stop killing decent people? Either learn to love yourself or get it over with.

[Cameron]

After reading what was written before me and as a gay black man, that is employed and educated. I can tell you from experience that you are damned if you and damned if you don't. I have been single for 7 years now, and I have been with guys that are positive as well as negitive. i refuse to have a relationship with someone that is positive, because I would like an open and safe relationship. When it comes to sex, I am negative and have been rejected by postive men for wanting safe sex and negative men for wanting safe sex. Its all a choice, period. I remember one incident at a club, in which there is a fun basement, where you can hook up. I was drinking and decided that it would be fun to take down a handful of condoms. Till this day i remember the looks and the faces that I was given. To those who want respect you have to earn it. I have a family, friends, and a future that I care about. And believe that till everyone stop discriminating with regards to race and other things then we will not be able to move on. There is a difference between preference and discrimination. For me, I know that I could not possibly have a relationship with someone who is positive. Just because you are positive and however you became positive is not something you should be judge on but how I, you, and everyone else treat people.

[josh warner]

I was hoping not to find ignorance about this in gay.com, but apparently even us gays are pretty freakin ignorant. ;-) ...not to mention very hateful, and those qualities will not help the situation out.
This is not directed to one person, but everyone in general w/o the disease.
Being rejected for having HIV is not a good thing because it doesnt mean "people are starting to respect themselves". It means people still have ignorance and misconception about the disease. The point this article was attempting to make was to ask what you are doing to stop a stigma...people are just throwing hate into this, this is the kind of language I'd expect in from people in some group burning the pride flag and waving a bible in the air on pride weekend.
People closer to you than you think may have this. They may not be having sex with you, they may just want to have a closeness with you, but if they decide to let you in and remain close...and you have this attitude about this disease, you'll lose someone very special who could have possibly changed your life for the good, but you may never know because of your ignorance. The same kind of ignorance that you dealt with when you were growing up. It doesn't matter how anyone got it, what matters is respect that you have for people with it...and especially without it. I don't know whats happening/happened to the gay community and the hateful attitudes, but get over your own little reasons for being miserable and quit bringing everyone else down for being positive or whatever other reason you feel you need to bring them down for.

[Jospeh]

It's really no surprise that most gay men are islands in the middle of nowhere. While we only make up 2% of males in society, our first reaction is to ignore other gay men, not make eye contact, and just pretend he's not there. No support from our families at times, no support or understanding from non-gay friends, and even worse, complete disregard for gay mens mental and physical health. Never have I see gay men who are on their own, doing life by themselves, as I see today. And that's with all these sites 'bringing us together' like this one, support groups (where everyone talks about each other the minute he leaves the room) or social hangouts (where nobody acknowledges your existence once you are no longer the new 'guy'). I do not see lesbians this downright cruel towards each other. What's going on with us?

I came out in October 1989. I was told, as a 14 year old, that being gay was a death sentence. I no longer believe that in terms of AIDS, but I do believe that in terms of what we have done to each other mentally and physically. No support. No relationships. Imagine a non-gay person who goes through life with no kids, no relationship choices, no support; it does not take long for mental illness to develop or to see ones physical health decline in relation to that. When you have nobody who cares, nobody to look forward to falling in love with, nobody to share a life with, nothing at all...that's the reality for many of us today. All those gay men who are no longer alive, who worked so hard for us to be seen as human beings, I doubt very much this is what they had in mind when they were fighting. For us to end up like 14 year old girls pulling each others hair and comparing who has the most expensive toys or most important college degree. Nothing in this gay society has anything to do with real substance or any elements that make us human. Just illusion, wealth and things that somewhere along the line we have redefined as being worthy.

Taking the long road here. Today's HIV differs from 1989 because we no longer have those who 'didn't know' the risks. Today we have those who clearly don't care, don't want to be alive, and much like the school shooters, want to take as many down with them as possible. There is a lot of serious, deep rooted anger within gay men today that is worse than before because it's isolated, it's sitting in front of these computer screens completely anonymous, and nobody's talking about it. All we talk about are the things that make us look 'good' (gay marriage, etc) rather than the serious problems we are facing, mostly by ourselves, because gay men have no clue on how to support other gay men. Which is why our relationships don't work. Which is why the worst stigma about HIV+ gay men come from other gay people. We are, literally, our own worst enemies. Fix that first (huge) and work on the rest. Want gay marriage? In about 20 years. First this community has to stop treating each other like shit.

[Opinionator]

Mr. Joe Moag,

This article is stupid. Nowhere in the article do I see words like "virus", "infectious disease", or "cure". The article is muddled by schmaltzy sentimentality, rather than states the need to stop the disease. No amount of "bike rides for AIDS", or "concerts for AIDS", or "World AIDS day" will ever find the cure for it. It is what it is, an infectious disease, like any other deadly infectious diseases - like Hepatitis C, for example - you know, something you get from some guy's poo end?

Furthermore, the 'red ribbon' idea was a bad one to begin with because, now, in Africa, and right here in the inner cities of America, AIDS is still being stigmatized as the gay disease, and the pandemic is still on the rise in those areas. Why? Because, when someone sees a red ribbon, it means gay and gay sex, rather than a disease. And so, the ignorance and the disease spread. But, no, I don't even see that point being made in your article - since you titled it 'HIV stigma'.

I'm not be-littling the tragedy of AIDS. What I am saying is that we need to study it and find a cure. We know the culprit, we know its route of infection, and we have arsenals to wrest it. And as our next step, maybe, we of the LGBT community should make a concerted effort to support scientists who are researching to find the cure - rather than coax celebrities and the "mainstream media" to pay lip-service ABOUT the tragedy.

And since you're bringing up 'gay men's health' - no, no GAY WOMEN'S HEALTH here - as a suggestion, why don't you cover ALL facets of gay men's health. For example, there's a faction in the gay community that have it as their motto - "I'm gay;it's tragic" mentality. Since it's tragic, who cares. Let's have a gay ol' time without condoms. At least, it feels good. And, thus, AIDS continues to spread.

[Rob]

The comments here really do point out what a divisive issue HIV is. Naturally positive guys want to have a sex life and negative want to protect themselves from seroconverting. It's human nature that creates that divide. We all have a self preservation instinct and we all have the urge to have sex. What a fantastically insidious virus HIV is to position those two basic desires at odds.

For all our advances in human rights the gay community will never truly be free until HIV is defeated and we are no longer scared and distrustful of each other. We all have HIV. We are all sick. I would gladly give up the right to mary and be forced into the closet for the chance to have sex without fear of disease and distrust for my partner.

Defeating HIV is the most powerful triumph that the gay community could possibly make. We have been living afraid of each other for so long that many of us alive today have never known otherwise. Just take a minute to imagine how radically different a post-HIV world would be. We have to keep reaching for the seemingly unattainable.

I want gay rights, I want positive men to feel good about themselves, I want to be integrated into society but most of all I want a cure...... anything less is just a band-aid.

[ChrisM702]

I am truly impressed at the level of passion of opinions and viewpoints from the responses to this article. On nearly every comment I read, I can glean an understanding on where each individual is coming from. HIV does still bear many stigmas, some understandable and some less. I sit on a board where a few of our members are positive. I had a hard time being kissed on he cheek by one of the pos members. It was something I avoided because I was afraid. That of course in retrospect is extremely ridiculous, and I think this might be one of the behaviours the author is referring to. As far as rejection, everyone has the right to reject someone else for whatever reason, and everyone of us has done that. No, rejection is not a fun thing for the other party, and most of us have been on the recieving end of it too. God, there were so many good points made in all of your comments, some not even directly pertaining to AIDS- like Joseph's comment that if we see another gay stranger in a store, (If he is not attractive) our first instinct is to ignore him. Good observation. Why do we do this? Because we dont want him to think we think were interested, so we overcompensate in the other direction. Why do we always assume we are constantly and continuously being judged on our attractiveness? How the hell do we ever make friends? We don't treat straights so badly! The truth is we are more awful to each other than we realize. And therein lies a stigma of being gay, being a stranger, and then you throw some HIV into the mix and the stigma gets more complicated. Self preservation is entirely what is going on today- for better or for worse can be debated, but it remains that it simply is what it is. I still hope that at some point, someday, I will let down my own guard and find out what it means to love and be loved in my self-preserved bubble of a world.

[Steve]

The selection of the word stigma is unfortunate in this article. It is appropriate in one context, of course, but the point (I am assuming) of the article is to point out that HIV is a disease and not a judgement. However, for many people, better judgement is what will prevent the further spread of this disease. To present HIV as a victim of prejudice shows poor judgement on the part of the gay community. The word stigma in this article may intend to refer to the people who have contracted HIV, but there is a double message being sent here that "HIV is not so bad"--and what, I ask, might be the result of that message?

[BrodyR]

I hate to sound ignorant, but I really think as soon as a HIV+ status is discovered in a person, they should be branded as such some how. ESPECIALLY if they some how get the stupid idea that they will withhold the information from sexual partners. THATS CALLED BEING EXTREMELY SELFISH. Just because YOU chose to have unprotected sex, doesn't mean everyone else has to accept you for your idiocy.
For those who were born with it or raped. I'm sorry, its unfortunate. But again, with holding said information is also quite selfish. Ya its not your idiocy in this case, but its your idiocy if you decide its ok to not let some whos sharing your bodily fluids know this information.
And of course there are guys that will respond with fear when they find this out. No one in their right mind wants frickin HIV/AIDS! Condoms break. Thats how accidental pregnancies happen in heterosexual sex. Ya its really rare that EVER happens, but who wants to take that chance?
If gay society wasn't so obsessed with hook-ups and random sex, this wouldn't be such a problem. I don't know, but it almost seems to me, since we don't have to worry about pregnancy, safe sex is the lowest priority on our list. In the 7 years that ive known I was gay and accepted it, ive had 2 sexual partners. and they were long term relationships. And I practiced safe sex with both, even though they both said they were virgins. Compared to some of the histories of other gay guys ive conversed with online, im apparently "deprived". I met one gentleman last year. Same age as me. But it had only been 4 years of his acceptance of his sexuality and his coming out. He had had 10 sexual partners by this time, with only 3 of them short term relationships and most of them he had unprotected sex with. Multiple times.

So I don't think it comes down to an acceptance of a disease, as more of an acceptance that we cant just run around and stick our fuckin cocks in everything that moves without wrappin it up. One should never accept a disease. We should be striving to cull it out. Destroy it.
In nature, anything that is ill is usually forsaken by its herd. Its a weak link in the group, so it is ousted. Why must we be so determined that we are so different from the other animals on our planet?

[PaWOOF]

Read a few of the comments and thought I'd add my own 2 cents worth.
Been poz since 1983 and NEVER NEVER has a gay man ever been a friend to me! My friends are straight professionals. I get ignored 99% on this website. The articles are decent and I get to read mostly on here.
The attitude of gay men in the SE Penna amazes me mostly....the word Pathetic comes to mind. In Pa it is a 2nd or 3rd degree FELONY to be poz and have unprotected sex w/o disclosure. Penalties range up to life in prison or the death penalty!
I gave up with gay men in general. If you're over 29, furry, stocky, UNmuscular, honest, caring and etc you get treated like shit. Be a skinny assed bitch w/ few morals and the guys will flock to you. Go figure!
I have a great spiritual life which has helped me to survive. In 1988 a gay doctor, who considered himself to be a specialist od AIDS, told me that I would be dead in 2 yrs! I told him to go fuck himself. Here we are 18 yrs later and I'm healthy as a horse.
If you are the type to take gay society seriously you will saddly be disaapointed. Gays have too much negative karma.....esp in conservative areas like SE Pa, Fla, Alabama, and etc.
Gay men have really criticized lesbians. It was the lesbians who became "mommies and nurses" to the gay AIDS guys who got this disease in the early 80's!
I know my words won't be taken well here. But walk a mile in a mans shoes before you judge. I have walked in amongst the gay community for 30 yrs now and this has been my experience. Peace

[Michael]

Some of these comments are difficult to read. I have done my share of sponsoring HIV/AIDS causes in my community. And I would certainly do all I could to support a friend who contracted the disease. But I am also aware there are guys out there who have no regard for safe sex practices which is why this disease is on the rise. I have a friend who say a positive HIV status would not deter him from pursuing someone. I guess he's more noble than I am. But I'm enough of a hypochondriac without worrying if the condom I used last night with my HIV+ partner protected me or not. This is the only body I own. I am not a public utility anyone can expect to access. I believe everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity, but I have the right to respectfully decline a sexual advance based on health concerns. I believe that's known as having healthy boundaries. I'm not a booster of abstinence only sex education, but if practiced consistently, it is the only foolproof method to prevent acquiring an STD. When I do play, I minimize my risks by learning something about a potential partner (Is he promiscuous or a careful guy with a normal sex drive?) and use condoms regardless what I'm told.

[Tom]

In nature, anything that is ill is usually forsaken by its herd. Its a weak link in the group, so it is ousted. Why must we be so determined that we are so different from the other animals on our planet?

Posted by: BrodyR | December 02, 2008 at 07:10 PM <

Ok guys, THIS was the stigma the article was talking about. Gays actually advocating expelling the "weak links" from the herd.

But you all have seemed to miss the point. I've been HIV+ for over 3 years now, and I couldnt care less if some HIV- guy doesnt wanna do me in the butt or date me. Yeah it's a little disappointing, but it goes with the territory. What gets me are the gays who get all excited to be my friend or date me or whatever talking to me online, and then JUST notice that I'm poz, and then just randomly disappear, never to be heard from me again. In any case, life for me is a little bit easier, since I'm a big ole power bottom and relatively young (24). Ive got hot HIV- guys knocking on the door, and all the other poz guys are out of their fucking minds. I'm fortunate to have a good fun group of friends who dont care about my status.

[Handsome]

The general belief is that people contract HIV by having engaged in risky behavior. You play with fire and you just might get burned.

I know of several HIV positive people and there's only one exception. One of the guys was raped. He's the exception and we all know I'm right.

One mistake, one thoughtless moment can stigmatize the rest of your life.

[OJ]

The desease is growing up, we should stop it, reading about it, people who has it should warning thier sex-partners before having sex.

[Aging is the New AIDS]

HIV/AIDS has NOTHING abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING on the stigma around being over 40. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

[Rob]

Where I live there is a very strong support system and several HUGE groups that work night and day to make the lives better for those who are HIV+. Everyone bares a weight and honestly it's overwhelming that I hear about HIV more than any other problem that gay men face. Suicides, family situations, health situations (which does include HIV but that's not the only thing that hinders us physically), and the list goes on and on.
The pure fact of the matter is that everyone has problems, and it's a shame that the focus is on HIV. People complain that not enough charity is being directed towards the study, tolerance, and acceptance of HIV. Still, what about the other things that are just as life threatening and just as life altering?
A friend of mine is barely able to walk and has to use a walker at the age of 24. Can you guess how often he's rejected? Another friend of mine is deaf, same thing. Another has Bi-Polar, same thing, several are overweight because of issues out of their control, same thing, another list that goes on and on. I'm sorry but the bitter truth is that HIV effects all groups of people, not just homosexuals. Perhaps we should be working on tolerance towards EVERYONE not just HIV. After all we're demanding equality, shouldn't we be demanding it from ourselves as a group first?

[Michael]

Bitter, Party of two? OMG, I have been reading these posts and it is sad that you guys are so caught up in this and allowing a sad situation to divide a community.

First, no one deserves to die. The one that went on and on and on about anyone with a medical issue should just go away and die has unfortunately been surrounded by stupid people, and well, it looks like he is too.

Secondly, HIV+ people don't deserve HIV. Its like saying someone deserves cancer or lukemia. Saying that is obsurd. At the same time, it is extremely unfortunate for someone to get HIV, would you really wish that on someone else or blame them for trying not to get it. Hell, I use antibacterial at the gym so I won't catch a cold, is that me having a stigma against people that have a cold? No, its not. Its me not wanting to be sick with a cold. Likewise, I don't want to be sick with HIV if I can help it. Wishing bad things on people who have or don't have HIV is rationalizing your own opinion for one or the other.

Finally, while if you are HIV positive you don't deserve the disease. If you go to bath houses every weekend and let 15 guys cum inside you for a decade, you shouldn't be surprised that you got something. Do you deserve it? No, but honey, you can't over eat and not gain weight, you can't over smoke and not get lung cancer and you can't overly be a whore and not get a bug. If you got it from the first few gay experiences, that is unfortunate.

[Rockstar Brandon]

I've been dating someone with HIV for about a month now. He's been upfront with me and I chose to base our relationship on his merits and not a stigma. He's the first guy I've dated with this disease and hopefully the last- we're truly very happy together. He's educated me quite a bit on the matter and I do the same with the community.

[Rob F.]

Many people just wont play safe. Some people I guess would rather end up in a hospital bed or 6 feet under ground all for a moment of pleasure. Use your hand if your horny..lol..safest way to go.

[Billy]

Rejection and stigma are 2 different issues. When someone doesn't want to have sex with you or even make an attempt to be friends, that is stigma. When someone thinks you are ugly or not within their "type" and won't have sex with you, that's rejection. I have sat with a guy at a bar ALL night and talked. As soon as I disclosed being positive, they have walked away, left for the "bathroom" and never showed back, etc... That's is hurtful.

How can anyone, especially in the LGBT community have fears of HIV? No one wants HIV, but we all need to understand it. We all need to talk openly about it. I have no issues disclosing my status. If I have met someone new, I always disclose that info right away, so as too minimize any issues if the guy has any about being positive.

Seasons of love! If everyone did more of that, we would be much better off. We need people educating the general public. Not just the LGBT people.. all of us.

[Billy]

What I meant was...When someone doesn't want to have sex with you or even make an attempt to be friends,BECAUSE YOU ARE HIV POSITIVE that is stigma. When someone thinks you are ugly or not within their "type" and won't have sex with you, that's rejection.

[Drew]

Really? Is that how so many gay guys think? You truly feel that the "weakest" link should be taken out? I have been positive for over a year now and have amazing numbers. My doctor refers to me as Superman. By all means, I am stronger and healthier then most people. I work out. I take care of myself. I have incredible friends and family, all of whom support me. Yes, I have had to educate some of them, but not most. I am forever grateful and thankful for them. I think the non profits need to take more action, for one. For 2, the individuals needs to take more action. Be they positive or negative. Knowledge is power. Find it! Use it!

[CJ]

I think my earlier comment was misunderstood. When I was making reference to other people with medical conditions should just go away and die, I wasn't expressing that to be MY opinion. It was trying to make a point to people who want to say I'm stupid or no longer deserve to live because I made a mistake that has left me with this disease. Well if you think about it , just about ANY medical problem can be attributed to a lifestyle choice. Smoking, drinking, overeating, drug use, not getting enough sleep , not exercising, etc, etc.. My point was ....If people with HIV are going to be labeled as weak links, and idiots, then shouldn't the same go for people with cancer, or liver problems, or diabetes, or weight problems. all of these issues can be linked to bad choices that people sometimes make. so why should I deserve to die because I trusted a man who I thought loved me and wanted to spend our lives together??? Gay men in general are just a bunch of hypocrites and self centered , holier-than-thou pricks.

[Nico]

To read this post in full, visit http://tinyurl.com/IckaprickWente

The goal of the Ontario campaign is not to convince poz gay men they are victims and to discourage them from disclosing. Quite to the contrary, the campaign targets not gay HIV+ men, but their HIV- partners. Consider the stats: www.hivstigma.com, the campaign website, reports that 23.5% of gay men are HIV+ in Toronto. Which means that if you're a HIV- gay man casually dating and hooking up in Toronto, 1 in 4 of your partners has a sero-status different than your own.

And what does the campaign have to say about that? They remind HIV- gay men that if they are having casual sex, they are probably already sleeping with HIV+ partners. And that's okay. What's essential is to learn the risk levels of different sexual behaviours before they jump in the sack and to decide how much risk they are personally comfortable with. Only then can guys decide which combination of harm reduction strategies (condoms? lube? just oral and no anal? top vs. bottom?...) they'll employ to maintain their health. And in so doing, they'll also decrease HIV stigma by sharing responsibility with their HIV+ sexual partners. Both partners are empowered as agents -- and neither is a victim -- because both partners make an active choice for themselves.

But even if we understand this, we're still missing the bigger picture. Because the majority of HIV+ people who are aware of their status already go to great lengths to safeguard their partners' health. As an HIV+ man who visits the drop-in centre where I work told me, "I sure have some enemies and I sure do hate them, but I still wouldn't wish this infection upon them." Which presents a bit of a puzzle: if positive folks like this man aren't responsible for new infections, then who is??

www.hivstigma.com reports that of the 23.5% of Toronto gay men who are HIV+, 30% are completely unaware of their status. In 2006, the US Centres for Disease Control stated that 54-70% of new HIV infections in the United States are attributable to the 25% of HIV+ Americans who are unaware of their status. In other words: positive but untested. A CDC study released one year earlier found that 77% of young urban HIV+ gay and bisexual men are completely unaware of their infection. A 2006 study in the UK found that over 40% of HIV+British gay men were unaware of their status because they hadn't been tested. What's more, in 2005 the CDC reported that untested HIV+ individuals are more than twice as likely to engage in high-risk sex than those aware of their HIV+ status. And that's just the tip of the evidence iceberg.

What does the landscape look like when we base our opinions and interventions on scientific fact rather than stigmatizing fiction? We articulate transparent, opt-out testing guidelines for all high-risk groups, as well as for low-risk groups living in geographic areas with concentrations of high-risk populations. We expand hassle-free, rapid testing to make it easier for gay men to get tested regularly without the previous three week wait for results. We train health care providers to better understand the challenges gay men face when negotiating risk in the bedroom and then we open population-specifc testing clinics to demonstrate our commitment to providing high-risk groups with quality testing service. And we develop strong, evidence-based campaigns that counter the kind of stigma that suggests it's men who *know* their status who most often spread the disease. That's untrue. It's actually the guy reading this right know who is just *sure* he's negative, but actually has no idea...

[Drew]

I am HIV+, but I understand when someone who is negative does not want to have sex with me - I'm carrying a life threatening disease. The real stigma is how HIV+ people are often shunned be those lucky enough to still be negative. I have had people refuse to come to my home for dinner because they thought they could become infected. It is no wonder so many guys deny they are positive.

[Adam]

I dunno. I have seen so many profile on gay.com where the person will not put in a status. And then they push the "let's not use condoms" line.

My guess is that if you are HIV- why would you NOT list it. So my assumption is...no status = HIV+.

[John Andersen]

HIV is mostly PREVENTABLE.

If a MAN (note: capital letters conotate a responsible adult) has unsafe sex and gets HIV... is that intelligent and helpful to everyone involved?

Its a CHOICE.

IT IS NOT A CHOICE in many other circumstances i have heard about.

Is it ignorant for me to NOT make this distinction when i choose a partner?

Why?

While i think you need a lot of exposure and from blood/semen and an opening... i think there are so many times you have an opening and some fluid while being safe. Hang nails, bit lips...stuff i forget about. IT is microscopic. I think you do your best...and hope nothing happens.

My HIV+ ex worried me when he cut his finger in the kitchen. There were so many times he would wound himself. I never thought how many times that would occur.

Our therapist told us it was good to worry about it... that fear is healthy to a certain degree.

That is something that is different being with poz guy.

I think i could do that...but it was always a slight drain on me. Love is worth it tho.

[Nico]

Of all the people living with HIV in North America (1.1 million in the US and 58,000 in Canada), how many of them will transmit the virus to somebody new in 2009? Or, put another way: what percentage of poz people will hit New Year's Eve 2009 and say with confidence, "HIV ends with me. I did not infect any sexual partners this year"?

In 2009, a mere 5% of American people living with HIV will transmit the virus to someone else. 95% will pass all 12 calendar months without infecting a single person.

To read the details and what this means for HIV stigma, see http://tinyurl.com/IckaprickHIV2009

[John]

My posting here ties into one I posted on the barebacking blog. Late last year, I met a guy I liked very, very much. We hit is off from the start and I was determined to do things right for a change: 1) no sex before we got to know each other; 2) open two-way communication; 3) openness about feelings; 4) honesty.

Jon was seeming relieved to meet me as he talked of similar desires. However, Jon was the quiet, reserved type and I took the lead in many of our conversations. I was honest about everything, my recent health problems including a bout of major depression, I was open about my past and open about my wishes for the present and the future. I was also open about my feelings toward him.

In the brief time I dated Jon, I saw my feelings grow and I was amused by his sometimes quirky behavior, especially when things became intimate. It was only after Jon told me "he just wanted to be friends" did the reason for his quirky behavior become known to me -- Jon is HIV positive and never told me.

Our first real date was on December 1st. It was a stunning night in New York City and Jon asked my why the Empire State Building was lit red -- "World AIDS Day" I told him and then talked about all the past AIDS-related work I had done, including having the honor on being on the Board of Directors of one of the country's most prominent ASOs. Jon said nothing.

Why he did not tell me I do not know. I was open with all my issues. Jon even took me to the hospital because of a Shingles outbreak and while there I mentioned my fear that I might be HIV positive (ultimately not). He had the perfect opportunity then to tell me, instead, the next day he dumps me.

Had he told me, Jon would have learned his HIV status would not have affected our relationship. I have been with many, many men and I cannot and will not pass judgement on someone simply because they have a sexually transmitted disease. He would have also learned that being open would brings people closer. How can anyone be truly intimate with someone when they are withholding the most important aspect of their life?

Part of me wants to reach out to him, part of me wants to stay away. I accept that I will never be able to have the kind of relationship with Jon that I wanted, but he needs to know that in order to get the love he seeks, he must be open about who and what he is. There are men out there able to love an HIV positive man.