Laughing in Bed, Part 1

Sex is fun. No, really! It is arguably the most fun adults can have. Yet to proclaim sex to be a way in which adults play sounds kind of odd.

I may get some strange looks if I said that my special someone is coming over tonight “to play.” Although that’s exactly what’s going to happen. Why can’t adults play? We play athletic games, board games and brain teasers. Why can’t the thing we enjoy most be play too? It seems our centuries-old belief that pleasure is frivolous tends to take all the fun out of sex -- when its playfulness can be rather essential.

Now I’m not referring to the phenomenon of couples talking like babies to each other. If that’s how you play, knock yourself out. However, listening to a couple of beefy men say oochy-goochy, cutsie-tootsie baby-talk to each other is like listening to nails on a chalkboard, but that’s just me. What I’m referring to is that sex can get to be so serious and focused that it can also become overdramatic and rigid. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with intensity, but if it feels routine or limiting, here are some ways the you can cut loose and, well... have some fun.

Set some time aside. An evening or afternoon out of the week. Real fun doesn’t always happen on the sly, and it sure isn’t going to always show up at the end of your busy work day. Make this time yours, not to just do the same old thing, but it’s your time to have a sexual adventure. Play hard, baby!

Variety, as they say, is the spice ‘o life, and it can make your sex life spicy hot, too. Really think about what activities would totally push you over the edge, and then go there. Try dressing up sexy in front of a mirror. If you have a partner, share your sexual dreams with each other, and if they are attainable, go there. Wrestle like a couple of teenagers as if your parents are out of the house. Aggressively explore each others body like a couple of orally curious puppies. And nothing breaks the ho-hums like a good tickle-fest!

Are you the kind of person who just wants a hand or an ass to get you off? Bor-ing! Play with toys. Use some of that time you set aside to go on a field trip to your nearest erotic shop. There’s harnesses, vibrators and lubricants -- Oh, my! And take your partner or a couple of friends. Just think of the exciting insights you’ll learn about them -- and yourself.

Play with games. A while back I was invited to be a guinea pig in trying out a new sex game an acquaintance was perfecting. A group of us took turns drawing a card from a special deck. Each card suggested an alluring task, like take a piece of clothing off, tell a sexual secret, etc... It seemed almost too simple, but as we got in the spirit of things, and as activities got more steamy, I can tell you, without a doubt, everyone enjoyed themselves. Games can create parameters of safety to explore new experiences together. If sex has plateaued for you, what have you got to lose?

Do you know the kind of person that by having a partner chuckle in mid-sex is enough to ignite his insecurities and a shut down? And when a grin crosses his partner’s face he constantly asks a whiny, “What?” fearing his partner is internally laughing at him. And if his partner smiles a lot, well then he’s asking him, “What?” all the time. Without going all psychotherapist, I will say to the point, “Chill out, get a sense of humor, get some self-esteem and maybe some therapy.” Happiness expressed by a partner is not ill fortune. In fact, it’s damn lucky to have someone to connect with at all. That’s worth being happy and having fun all by itself.

Let’s say I should accidentally cum in my partner’s ear (believe me it happens) and we have a good laugh about it. Notice, that despite all the laughter, our self-esteems are still intact. Why, our esteems are not even under attack. Cum in the ear is just plain funny, and actually, quite impressive. One could say we created a game all our own -- cum in the ear -- score two points!

I had a partner who giggled in bed a lot. I even wondered if it was a kind of nervous tic. When finally I asked him about it, he answered me surprised, “I’m just having fun, aren’t you?” With that, I left my insecurities on the floor with my clothes and we laughed our way to mutual orgasms and chuckled well past the afterglow.

In part 2 of Laughing in Bed I’ll be asking: Do you think you are as funny as Kathy Griffin and does it really help you get laid?

(Photo: Getty Images)

Dr. Jallen Rix holds a doctorate of education in sexology and specializes in maximizing sexual pleasure for singles and couples, "ex-gay" recovery, religious abuse and creative approaches to sex education. You can learn more about Dr. Rix at his website.

Comments

[J69C]

I totally agree with the article. My husband and I of 11 3/4 years had sex the first time we met and one of the things that has kept us together was the concept of enjoying sex. For us both, that first night of having sex, laughing and giggling while getting turned on was what we liked about each other initially. The smiles, teasing, tickling and so on have stayed with us since.

It's not uncommon for us today to be in the middle of a hot sex session, when suddenly one of us says or does something funny, and both of us erupt in gales of laughter. We sometimes have to stop and catch our breaths after laughing for about five minutes or so. Sometimes we continue with the sex, and other times that was the end of the sex for that time. However, we both were still satisfied, since we shared that moment, whether we finished having sex or not. Variety and toys have expanded our sex life and we couldn't be any happier.

[Lobo]

I think laughter is an unmistakable sign that we are having fun, and it is still better when both partners share the laughs; I'm also sure it has to do with self-esteem. Grrrreetings!

[Wyatt1969again]

I agree,

I mean – in the movies when I see these climactic, intense moments where finally I am rewarded - for sitting through a bunch of crap – with THE kiss and then maybe THE sex scene – well the music is just so and the lighting and the mood and all that.

But for me anyway – the truth is – Men are so different from each other – there’s no telling – no guessing until you finally do – get right down to it.

Almost always – when there is laughter – the sex is better.

I remember having sex with this one guy in particular. I never laughed so much while gettin busy. It seems to my anyway – that every time we laughed we were able to actually abandon so many insecurities and say so much more to each other than we might otherwise have been able to.

I know its Christmas Season (for me anyway) and I hope I don’t get into too much trouble for saying this like I am about to (and no I don’t often worry about that) –

But…

If the two of you (or more) are naked – and you are laughing about some crazy shit – and kissing and all that – well…it sure makes it a lot easier to say:

Could you fuck my ass just like this?

And chances are – He WILL fuck your ass JUST LIKE THAT baby!

Ouch! or YEAH!!!

So don’t be Fraidy Cat’s – Laugh, Love, and Live!

***

And don’t forget – safe sex makes better sex!

Trust me – it don’t fuckin matter! Because if a guy can put it down like THAT – he could wrap his bat in burlap – and you’ll still be drooling for more!

[Neff]

Most of the time when I smile it means I'm happy or enjoying myself. I've had the hot-but-insecure guy with low self-esteem kill the mood by constantly asking, "What are you smiling about? What's so funny?" What do you want me to do?! Frown???

I think being able to laugh during sex just shows how comfortable you are. The best sex always comes with smiles and laughter.

[corrective_unconscious]

>I may get some strange looks if I said that my special someone is coming over tonight “to play.”

That phrase usually refers to chess, pushing hands in tai chi or leather inflected sex, and if you want to expand the meaning you should at least know what you're expanding on.

I guess they give strange looks 'cos they didn't think you looked like you're into chess and/or bondage....

[brainstud681]

One of the funniest things I ever saw a guy do in bed was make his pen*s talk like a puppet. I never laughed so hard in my life, but the strangest thing about it was that humor functioned well as a form of foreplay, and I was sufficiently aroused. Confidence is attractive, and fun is never boring.

[Johann Ivan]

First - let me just say how lucky I am to have such a wonderful mate!

As for laughing together - that is definitely a great sign. Laughing in bed is nothing to be insecure about... it's something to be thankful for!

I think I have finally found "the one", we click on so many levels and he's able to overlook some of my eccentricities lol

Merry Christmas all!

[FeralCatt]

Nothing wrong with laughing in bed.

As long as you don't point...