Got Toxic Friends?

Life is not like the TV show "Friends." We are not always lucky enough to find a group of healthy people to spend our lives with. At some point, we are all going to make friends with a rotten apple. The important part is that we recognize this is a toxic friend before it is too late.

Here are six toxic friends who could be damaging your personal happiness:

All about me
I know you have seen a friend like this, whose world revolves around him or her and we are lucky to be in it. "All about me" friends really enjoy our friendships when it is about them. When it comes to our turn in life, they always seem to disappear or make it about themselves again.

You can notice these habits in little ways or big ways. For one, this friend is always able to get hold of you. He will call and call until you pick up, email or text and sometimes just show up when he needs or wants you to do something. When you call him, you always get voicemail and there is never a return call.

Clubby buddy
This is a friend or a group of friends you spend time with but only at the bar, club or parties. You notice you always have fun and have something to do, but it is always around the party scene.

Sure, you're never alone when you go out, but what happens when you want to spend a night at home? You end up sitting there all by yourself, wondering where your "friends" are.

You'll notice all your activities together will be surrounding clubs, bars and parties. Even days at the theme parks revolve around drinking and making it another party experience. When you need friends the most, they will be at the next party and you will once again be left alone.

Dark cloud
Not all friends are happy. Some can act like Eeyore from "Winnie the Pooh." Sure, we're not going to have great days every week, but is every day going to be a day when the glass is half empty?

You are being a good friend, a great listener and a strong shoulder for your friend, but everything bad just seems to happen to him. He's always down, always sad or always hurt by something you or someone else did. Eventually, it starts draining your energy as well.

There is a point when a friend has to stop being a victim to life and start being a survivor. You can not help him make this change; he has to be willing to do it on their own. Be careful not to get too sucked into it. Misery does love company.

Users
You will notice these friends very easily when they are around other people you care about. It is harder to see them when they are your friends.

You have a kind heart and care about your friends, so it's easy to not notice how they are using you. It starts out with little things, but over time those little things add up.

They always seem to need something and you are there to help. You are happy to, because you know they would help you, but for some reason, you don't ever seem to need help and they always do.

One major warning sign is that their need for help always comes at a convenient time. You happen to share that your other friend got you a discount on concert tickets this week and next week they happen to need some tickets for themselves. You share that you got a new promotion and they happen to need to borrow money. Your fortune and hard work starts to benefit them more and more.

Single pal
You and your friend are both single and you spend all your time together. You go out to dinner, movies, concerts and even plan vacations together. You both are having so much fun. Your friend starts dating someone and then you never hear from him. What happened?

A single pal is a great friend when he's single, but once he finds someone, he no longer needs you. Once he's single again, the whole cycle starts up again.

It's not good to be someone's friend until he doesn't need you. You have needs too, and you deserve a friend who is around all the time. There is nothing wrong with having friends when you have a boyfriend.

 

To help you decide if your friend is toxic, simply ask yourself, "When I hang out with my friend, does life (overall life, not just the moments you are together) get better or does it get worse?"

I believe that true friendship is measured not by good times but when your friends are there through the bad ones.

I would love to hear your stories about toxic friends. What other types can you think of? Please share your stories in the comment section.

Based in Orlando, Fla., Michael Moniz is a life coach focusing on the needs and goals of the LGBT community.  With undergraduate and graduate degrees in communication from Rollins College in Winter Park, Fla., he is also ICF-certified as a professional life coach. His practice helps others with self-image, communication skills, self-leadership and setting and achieving goals. Check Michael's website for more information and to schedule private consultations.

Do you have a question about how to improve your life? Send an e-mail to pnohealth@planetoutinc.com

Comments

[Bril Rhys]

OMG - I just had the terrible misfortune of having to cut off an energy drainer. At first I thought I was just being a good friend by listening. Then I became aware that I was ALWAYS listening. Then, he'd superficially ask how my day was then, turn it back around to him. His precursor to a telephonic goodbye is "alright..." And I began to notice he'd finish his incessant dumping and whinings, then get to "Alright..." skipping the cursory, "How are you doing?"

After 3 years of dreading answering the phone, I finally said, "ENOUGH!" I stopped taking his calls. Then, word on the street was that I was the bitch and now the reason his life was so empty and miserable. I began answering his calls intermittently about 6 months later. NOTHING had changed. All his problems multiplied and according to him, were exacerbated by my absence.

One day, I ran across an article about psychopaths. It gave a succinct list of attributes inherent in such persons. He possessed every trait in the list! I decided to distance myself completely before he hurts me in some way I couldn't be prepared for.

How do people become so utterly self-centered?!?