Beating the Single Blues

Whoever said being single was easy must have been in a relationship way too long. Most of us long to fall in love with Prince Charming and live happily ever after, just like in those Disney movies. Some of us would just settle for a guy who calls back and makes us laugh.

There may come moments in your single life when you feel a little blue. Here are five ways to handle or even celebrate being single:

You do not need a relationship.
You don't need a relationship to be complete. You are complete with just yourself.

I always like to share this perspective with my clients: A relationship is birthday cake. You are the cake, the foundation. A partner is the icing on the cake. If the cake is not complete, then all you have is a bunch of icing covering up a sloppy cake. And we all know too much icing will make us sick.

You want to make sure your foundation is strong. You need to learn about yourself, your dreams, your values and your goals. This will help you be a complete solid person ready for the icing on their cake, so to say. You don't need a relationship; you want a relationship and there is a big difference.

Take yourself out on a date.
Instead of waiting for someone to ask you out, or for someone to accept your offer, you just need to take yourself out on a date.

I know it sounds silly, but if you give it a try, you will be surprised how nice it is to treat yourself. Maybe take yourself to a spa for the day and a light lunch. You could go grab dinner at your favorite place, then catch that movie you have been dying to see.

It's all about doing something for you. You deserve it. Think: If you play your cards right, you might just get lucky that night.

Make weekly plans with friends.
It's normal to want to be out and social. What if you set up a weekly "date" night with your friends?

Maybe you can meet each week for brunch, go over to someone's house and watch a TV show together, or even plan an activity such a softball, running, or cooking class.

You'll now have a weekly event to always look forward to, getting together with your friends. It's an open invitation, so anyone can miss a night or bring a new friend. The important part is it is a set time so your busy life doesn't take over a weekly commitment for quality times with friends.

Enjoy alone time.
We can't always have a three-ring circus in our lives. We have to learn to be OK with spending some time with ourselves at home. This is a great chance to self-reflect on your day or week.

Find activities you love to do by yourself. You could go back to painting or to any passion you once had. You could finally read the Tori Spelling book. You can do yoga or write in your journal. You can even just enjoy the slow pace and quiet of time with yourself and a cup of hot tea.

Our lives are full of busy things that keep us stressed and running on empty. We need some time to just be with ourselves and unwind. Makes us stronger for the next party we attend.

Be open for opportunities.
Don't allow the blues to get you down. I know this is easier said than done, but it's important. When you are feeling out-of-sorts, you can close yourself off from the world. This isn't effective in helping you make new friends or even to find love.

You can never give up on love. You just have to be open for the opportunity of love to come into your life. By working on yourself and making yourself happy with friends and alone time, you will be ready when you meet that guy who makes you laugh. Trust me; it will happen; it's only a matter of time.

I would love to hear how you celebrate being single. Please share your stories in the comments section. I look forward to reading them.

Based in Orlando, Fla., Michael Moniz is a life coach focusing on the needs and goals of the LGBT community.  Holding undergraduate and graduate degrees in communication from Rollins College in Winter Park, Fla., he is also ICF-certified as a professional life coach. His practice helps others with self-image, communication skills, self-leadership, and setting and achieving goals. Check Michael's website for more information and to schedule private consultations.

Do you have a question about how to improve your life? Send an e-mail to pnohealth@planetoutinc.com

Comments

[2Good4UAzItIz]

I LOVE BEING SINGLE!! Well, when you live in a city where it tops #1 as the worst American city to date/hook-up in & people, period, seem to always have their nose in someone else's business instead of getting some of their own (it doesn't really bother me too much, it just says to me they're about drama if that's how it is). It takes too much effort & time to try & snag a man. There should never be a case of the blues when it comes to being single (maybe a little every now & then). But then, you have to realise that you have to answer to NO ONE else but yourself. you can't always make time with friends, especially if they're dating someone already. I looked at what they go & put themselves through just have someone to say they love them and that's something I will never see myself doing (I've done it twice, learned very heavy from it). I have given up on love altogether because I have given my all & all I got in return was a LOT of grief. I had one bad relationship after another & it was me who turned out to be the good guy in the end who gave his all & got the short end of the stick. My ability to trust is gone & a solid wall is around my tattered heart. I have managed to get back to finishing school & make investments & look out for myself. If I go at getting the goals for myself, I will be by myself. Now once you have your shit/act together, would you want to share it with someone for the sake of being alone & they use you or would you want someone of the same caliber?

[Jonathan]

Since i came out very early, I also learned very early that being single for gay men is not at all the same as being single for non-gay people. The biggest thing is numbers: where are our choices? Straight people have 98% more selection than we do. For us, it's either that guy or nothing in many cases. When that's your baseline, your emotional health needs a lot of work before you are ready to date. That's if you can even find someone who is gay, out, ready to date, emotionally and sexually compatible, interested in being with one guy, not moving halfway across the country in the next six months, etc...when you look at it this way, and the small selection we have as it is, it's amazing any of us find anyone at all.

I do not know what the answer is. There are only so many things you can do 'for yourself' and so many long walks you can go on, and only so many times you can 'take yourself out on a date'. After a while it begins to feel like that 7th grade feeling of 'I'm the only one'. And while it is comforting to talk to some nice people on here, it sucks to hear that even in the big gay communities, many guys there aren't finding anything either. In the land of thousands of choices, these guys can't find stable dating choices because these sites give the illusion that there are millions of us out there, which there are, but we aren't all in the same city. On top of that, very few of us have any skills when it comes to compromise, and having a relationship with another adult gay man over time - when things get rough, when the money is gone, when jobs are lost, when someone needs the other guy to lean on. Our community is still built on anonymity and how easy it is to just run off in the middle of the night and never speak to each other again. In order for gay men to not give up on love all together we have to restore something that has been missing all along - trust. I challenge any of you to find one gay man who trusts other gay men - when you look at our history - how quickly we have been knowingly spreading this deadly virus for the last three decades to men we don't even know and don't even care to find out about the next day; how fast our 'soulmates' drop off the face of the earth after one disagreement six months later; how fast our gay 'friends' drop us once we don't have that high status job or nice material things anymore, can you blame most of us? Sounds crazy, but we have to learn how to become compassionate human beings rather than what the gay market has brainwashed us to become: product that has a price and an expiration date. We are people, not products. You can not build community, dates, relationships and for god's sake not marriages built on that mentality.